Buzz – 6.8
Have you ever had that certain type of hangover where you’re not sure whether or not you are still drunk, and the first few hours of the day shoot by in that grey area between dream and reality? Today is one of those mornings.
I stumble out of my bedroom, a small marching band parading through my head, to be confronted with a sight too ridiculous to be real: the GZA, passed out on my couch, still wearing last night’s dinner shirt, buttoned right to the top, cufflinks still in place, tuxedo pants strewn on the floor, with the disk menu of The Office Season 3 playing on loop on the TV.
We both come to the crushing realisation that neither of us are in a position to drive, so we call back up.
We hear it before we see it: the thumping bass of hip hop blearing from blocks away, as our evacuation driver rolls up the street in a silver convertible BMW. Is this really happening?
We roll into the Emporium complex to check out the often family friendly Buzz, Amili blearing so anti-socially loud that it attracts the disapproving stares of fellow patrons. Apparently parents don’t want their children hearing lyrics such as “damn I ate a shy bitch, she aint shy no more she changed her name to my bitch”. I reiterate: is this really happening?
Finally, we are onto breakfast. Buzz is packed, but we are lucky enough to score a table without having to wait. Examining the menu, there are a collection of staple options, a few interesting numbers, but the bulk of the menu is dedicated to a very large ‘build your own’ section. Our guest throws his menu down, and leaves it up to the ‘breakfast experts’ to choose for him, so we elect the roast pumpkin omelette. As for us, we are both intrigued by construction, so along with the standard ‘eggs your way’ (poached of course), we go with lambs fry and bacon, haloumi for AMac and potato rousite for the GZA. Unfortunately it is a counter order situation, so as the biggest ticket at the table, I roll up to communally order the eight items required by our table, much to the chagrin of the line of people behind me.
Our liquids arrive in decent time: a collection of coffees, inviger8or juices (tomato, chili, tobacco and celery), and a passion fruit smoothie. The coffee is decent, the juices are a perfect hangover cure, and according to the GZA, the smoothie is a ‘party’.
After filling in time using the “conversation starter topics” card placed on each table, and establishing that if he could go to lunch with any celebrity, the GZA would choose Lil’ Wayne, our food arrives. The omelette, packed full of onions, spinach and pumpkin, is in over baked pizza form, and is topped with toasted ciabatta and mounds of bacon.
As for the creations, the eggs are well poached, the ciabatta well toasted, the haloumi exactly like every other piece of grilled haloumi – delicious – the roustie is adequate and the lambs fry and bacon does not have enough bacon (only diced speck) and is a touch dry. That pretty much sums it up: the food is good without being noteworthy in any way.
The real strength of Buzz is their collection of smoothies, which is obvious as there is a take away line that rolls out the door with people who can’t be bothered sitting in the crowded café.
But with counter service and only adequate food and coffee, Buzz is probably not a go to option if you find yourself in the Valley precinct, so I recommend that you get your ambiguously ethnic, BMW driving associate to take you somewhere else.
Coffee: 7.0 Menu: 7.0 Food: 7.0 Service: 6.5 Ambience: 6.5
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