Taking Care of Breakfast

Spring Hill

Ice Latte

Having graduated University, but yet to commence a proper, full time, soul destroying legal career, the two most poignant descriptors of my weekends are becoming clear: luxury and leisure. My mother is worried that I am spending an unhealthy amount of time by myself, as my weekends consist of pool side lounging and luxuriating, sipping daiquiris and listening to the cricket on the radio. She claims this can’t be good for me, but aside from a drunken pool incident which may require stiches, it has been luxuriously uneventful.

Alas, sometimes you need companionship, and always do you need sustenance, so before I commence another sun soaked day of leisure to work on my tan/sun stroked delirium, I’m hit up by the GZA for breakfast, as he is jealous that I dared saunter to breakfast solo on the previous occasion.

Spring Hill Deli is a relatively new fresh produce store come gourmet café operated by a rag tag bunch of alternative foodies. We waltz in and ask for a table for two, and the friendly young waitress informs us that “the couch in the corner has your name on it.” She has obviously spied our need for luxury from ten paces. Her dutiful and incredibly helpful service continues when upon giving us the menu, she tells us that if we’re quick with our selections, we’ll jump the queue in front of the table of 12 next to us.

Fried eggs and pancetta

Notwithstanding the wealth of excellent breakfast items on the menu, such quick decision making is not a challenge, as the only thing more steadfast than TCB’s desire for luxury is our demand for ruthless efficiency. From a list of incredibly enticing meals, I go for the haloumi and zucchini fritters, with avocado, bacon and poached eggs, while the GZA is smitten by the mere mention of homemade German bread loaf and pickle, opting for the fried eggs with pancetta.

Deciding to join the GZA in his world-on-ice, our iced lattes arrive and I’ll be damned if the sly son-of-a-bitch hasn’t been onto something for the last couple of weeks: they are delicious. A great tip of the cap not only to the institution of iced lattes, but to Spring Hill Deli, as they are made with beans sourced from West End’s much touted bean purveyor Cup, and provide a great coffee flavour, without the calorie abundance of cream and ice cream, or an increase to the core body temperature.

The food arrives quickly and is immediately appealing. The fritters are perfectly constructed, with a moist texture rather than the all too frequent dry, chalky feel, boasting a great mix of full flavors. Adorned with a well poached egg and sided by sweet, crispy honey glazed bacon and a spicy relish, this is a fantastic breakfast dish.

Haloumi & zucchini fritters

GZA gives a glowing report of his meal, noting the quality of the ingredients as a huge contributor to the breakfast success. The dense, heavy German loaf combined with the cheese and pancetta combo is a very European taste, but it is given a breakfast injection with the fried eggs. And a note for the ladies, watching the GZA eat a whole pickle is definitely a treat.

In recent memory, TCB have been covering a lot of solid breakfasts, without anything really standing out. This is what is so exciting about Spring Hill Deli: it’s new, it’s not over hyped,  it’s gourmet, and it’s trendy without being too hip.

Alternative itmay be, but unlike other new “it” venues, you get the distinct impression that the operators have a passion for quality food, rather than a passion for looking uniformally different and aloof. AMac and the GZA both agree that this is the best breakfast we’ve had in quite a while.

Interesting factoid for those playing at home: the words “luxury”, “leisure” and their derivations were only used 7 times in this article.

Coffee:      8.5          Menu:  9           Food:    9.5          Service:   9      Ambience:      8.0

Reviewed by AMac & the GZA

Spring Hill

Conscious of the fact that my mother is a regular TCB reader, I will keep this as PG13 as possible, but one thing is becoming very clear: ladies love TCB. This is not a bragging of conquests and sexcapades, nor is it an open invitation to transform a breakfast blog into a dating website; rather, it is a statement of recent fact. From a girl erupting with excitement at meeting “that breakfast guy from the law school”, to Facebook posts requesting “fun and flirty breakfast date suggestions xoxo”,  it would seem that the semi factual pseudonyms of AMac and the GZA are far greater hits with the ladies than their hamstrung-by-reality counterparts.

So what better way to celebrate this recent female attention than with a breakfast date…by myself? My crippling narcissism and general self obsession means that I am smitten by my own flirty banter, so a solo sojourn to Spring Hill’s Sisco is a great way to spend a Saturday morning.

Unassumingly quaint from the street, Sisco opens up inside to reveal a very hip and trendy dining room, and gorgeous alfresco garden dining area out the back. Handed a clip board menu, I’m directed to my solo table for a relaxing morning of breakfast and Bill Simmons blog reading.

The menu is very simple, but I am excited by their egg process: choose your style of eggs, then compartmentally add their gourmet options.

Of course, I am the poached eggs man, but I choose to add the shaved Bangalow ham and the very intriguing black bean guacamole.

While brushing up on my historical Bill Russell knowledge, I wait a little while for my coffee. Not to worry too much, as the food is presented strikingly quickly. My flat white is perfectly fine, but nothing special, and at first glance of the meal, while it looks fantastic, I am glad I’m not destructively hung over because it definitely appears “light”.

Poached eggs, Bangalow ham and black bean guac

The eggs are poached perfectly, and spill their delicious yolk all over the thickly sliced ham, and crunchy toast. While perfect eggs and gourmet pig are always great, what makes this dish is the black bean guacamole. Not only a change of pace for breakfast, but different from most other guacs I’ve had, it is a revelation.

In answer to the initial question of breakfast date suggestions, with light meals and a trendy atmosphere,   Sisco would be perfect, especially if you haven’t been before, giving you the easy small talk option of “yeah, I’ve been wanting to try this place for a while. I read this fantastic breakfast blog written by this incredibly handsome guy, who recommended it for a date *giggle*.”

Coffee: 7.0          Menu: 7.5           Food: 8.0             Service: 8.5         Ambience: 8.5

Reviewed by AMac

New Farm

On a weekend hallmarked by archetypal Queensland weather – 35 degrees, 99% humidity, afternoon hail storms and an elderly man hospitalised by a lightning strike – there was a small window on Sunday morning with a shred of sunlight, a hint of non-equatorial jungle temperatures, and a promise of breakfast. Waking to the usual array of left over couch dwellers covering my living room, I martial the troops and take advantage of the small let up in tropical meteorology to pay a visit to Double Shot Espresso in New Farm.

Ice Latte

Initial worries of their capacity to house breakfast going frames are put to bed, as the manager dutifully organises a chair rearrangement to squeeze us into the packed, cosy café. Double Shot’s demographic is quite mixed, but seems to be at the more comfortable end of the often too trendy New Farm/Valley scene.

The GZA is torn this morning as to whether he should, given the overcast conditions and cooler temperature, imbibe his first hot coffee of the Spring/Summer season. Alas, he is too committed to his previously toted life on ice, and orders an Iced Latte. While the iced variety was expectantly refreshing, the regulation coffees were really nothing special, lacking umph and flavour.

Spanish Sardines

Double Shot’s menu is deceptively good, with an entire section dedicated to variations of eggs. GZA, having identified the possibility of a DIY sardine sandwich from a mile away, makes an early territorial call for the Spanish sardines and garlic mayonnaise, while I go for the Croque Monsieur topped with poached eggs, and our regular TCB Guest Crish chooses the special house smoked baked beans and poached eggs.

Service marks, of course, must note the counter ordering set up, the seemingly ever present bane of breakfast, but the kitchen service is reasonably efficient, and our meals are presented without too much delay. GZA immediately enters construction mode, piling his tin of spiced sardines onto toasted ciabatta smeared with garlic mayonnaise and topped with various accoutrement. While some grow frustrated with the trend of building your own meal, presented on a chopping board, TCB love a good structural development, and the GZA gets down to literally getting his hands dirty.

Croque Monsieur

With four poached eggs present over the remaining two meals, it is pleasing to note a perfect success rate on the poaching. Crish’s smoked beans and bacon roulettes receive solid reviews, while my Monsieur is excellent: perfect ratio of gruyere to mustard, a good amount of ham, topped with noticeably sweet caramelised onions, creating a very interesting contrast with the yolk.

House Beans

Efficient and friendly, the great food and menu make this a very sound local breakfast haunt. Double Shot, a confusing name for a café with lack lustre coffee, stays off the “must make the trip to try” list for exactly that reason. I would not wish anyone a trip across town for caffeine disappointment, but if you’re in the area, it is definitely worth a go.

Coffee: 6.0          Menu: 7.5           Food: 8.0             Service: 7.5         Ambience: 7.5

Reviewed by AMac & GZA

Coffee...on ice

Vernon Terrace, Teneriffe

“What’s that AMac? You took a 14 inch plastic garden owl named Garth as your date to a black tie event? That’s a little eccentric…wait…that’s weird…no wait…that is super weird. That’s down right fucking creepy!”

Yes, I know it looks a little odd, a grown man creating a fictional anthropomorphic personality for a garden ornament designed to scare off birds, then taking “him” out in public, to a black tie dinner no less. But for those of you who met Garth in the TCB Tour of Sydney, you know he is a pretty big part of many of our recent Law School experiences. So when it came time to head out to my last TC Beirne School of Law event, why should Garth not also get a chance to bring a little ruckus? Sidenote: while originally designed to scare off birds, Garth had the exact opposite effect on the D-floor…if you catch my drift (zing!).

But before all of this nonsense, the GZA and I had breakfast. Keeping it local, we take a quick stroll down the block (read: got in the car and drove for less than a minute) to Brio in Teneriffe. An incredibly popular venue for a lazy weekend breakfast, we are warned upon taking a seat that food will be at least 25 minutes: no fuss, at least we’ve been warned.

Breakfast salad

Perusing the menu, it becomes very apparent that the huge variety of interesting food and beverage options is definitely Brio’s strong suit. Elaborate juices and smoothies capture an entire page of the menu, while your usual staples are kicked up a notch or shattered completely.

Trying to balance a crushing need for caffeine (we may have had a few beverages the prior evening) with the dire need to be cooled on such a steamy day, ice coffees are the order of the morning, alongside a short mac.

Enter flip mode and choosing a meal for the morning, I try and get a dose of vegetables for the day through the smoked salmon and asparagus with capers and poached eggs. Envious of my light and fresh approach to the morning, GZA goes for the breakfast salad…of course with a side of dirty great chorizo, just to well and truly ruin the point of a vegetarian breakfast.

The drinks arrive in no time, and are particularly delicious, and no, neither of us felt at all infantile/effeminate eating ice cream for breakfast…thank you for asking.

Mindful of the promised wait, we set an agenda of business to discuss. As there is only so much shit one can talk in a morning, luckily the wait is more like 20 than 25. GZA tells me that the salad is fantastic, and while it may be because of the auxiliary chorizo, he is pretty convinced it has something to do with the freshness of the greens, tomatoes and avocado, and the novelty of perfectly poached yolk running through the salad.

Salmon breakfast

I get the same feeling with my dish. The asparagus, if asparagus is your thing, is ideally crunchy, and goes beautifully with the egg, caper, aoli power combo. The salmon is high quality and plentiful. The only disappointment is that while one of my eggs was perfectly poached, the other was over poached, and not just a little bit. I toyed with the idea of underplaying this aspect as a really want to love Brio, but I had to keep it real.

All in all, Brio is a great breakfast spot: great menu, friendly service, fresh ingredients and exotic beverages hallmark this very trendy cafe. I was forced to make a deduction for the over poached egg, but really, you should all by now be aware that the numerical rating system we employ is not exactly transparent and accountable.

As for how Garth went at the dinner that night? He still hasn’t returned to the nest. But don’t worry, he knows where his home is.

Menu:   8.5          Coffee:   8.0          Food:   8.0          Service:   8.0          Ambience:   8.5

Reviewed by AMac and the GZA

Given Tce, Paddington

Pandemonium was a strikingly ordinary cafe that managed to carve itself a nook in the Paddington breakfast scene and become a stalwart for decades. Luckily for the institution of breakfast, its mediocrity finally wore thin and the trendy new Kettle & Tin rests in the blue Queenslander atop Pandemonium’s burial site.

So after hearing from multiple sources about this new Paddington cafe, I meet one of the OG TCBers early on a Saturday morning to give Kettle & Tin a TCB work over.

Kettle & Tin has a great feel to it when you walk in. There is a porch area offering sun kissed morning dinning, and a breezy open plan dining area with a mix of tall and short tables, catering for any size of group. There is also a large selection of the morning’s periodicals for the news hungry breakfast goer.

My initial excitement, however, flattens. The menu has some different varieties of omelette, and some other breakfast staples, but on the whole is pretty standard. I opt for one of the omelettes with three egg whites, one yolk, and mushrooms. My colleague goes for the eggs Benedict with salmon.

When the coffees arrive, my excitement really starts to dissipate. When the flat white is weak and watery, I order an additional short mac to really test the coffee…same result: a bland, weak coffee.

Omelette

After a wait, the food arrives. The omelette is good, but nothing special. The highlight of the dish is the olive oil drizzled on the plate. (Just a side note about omelettes in general: I am almost always disappointed when I get an omelette. Every time I think it will be different than the last 400 omelettes I’ve had, but they almost always range from disappointing to alright.)

The eggs Benny on the other side of the table is met with a cry of “Tears, these eggs are fucked”, as my colleagues knife slides in to reveal an over poached, unyielding yolk.

Eggs Benny w/ Salmon

The service is friendly, but both the coffee and the food took noticeably longer than it should have for a not particularly busy morning.

I was initially excited about trying a brand spanking new breakfast establishment, but unfortunately, just like a house built on an ancient Indian burial ground is forever haunted by various ghouls, Kettle & Tin appears to be haunted by Pandemonium’s deceased mediocrity.

Coffee: 5.0          Menu: 7.0           Food: 6.5             Service: 6.5         Ambience: 7.5

Reviewed by AMac

Refresh yourself on how we got to this point here, then prepare for the final installment…

It’s a mission to keep going. And what makes it worse, when I inform my running mate of the immense pain I’m in, he simply tells me he’s keeping it casual. Somehow, the GZA is still in cruise control. His first sign of trouble comes with only a few bites left of the beef salad he has created, when he states: “maybe I should have gone the sweet potato, I seem to a have a shit load of chips left!”

I strip the rest of the meat off the bone to try and get a visual of how much is left, and with about 400 grams of meaty, coleslawry, sweet potatoy slop left on my plate, the waitress arrives not only to ask me if everything is okay, but to analyse the GZA’s plate. The son of a bitch has finished. Without a moan or groan, without a tear, this culinary titan has waltzed through 2.4 kilos of beef.

I can now sympathise with James Magnusson. I talked a huge game coming in, but have been made look ridiculous by more talented opposition. But unlike the Missile, this is just the competitive kick start I need. With encouraging words from the GZA, and Birdman still laughing at the fact that I have eating myself to tears, I just keep shovelling. The family of 4 children at the table next to us are quite shocked as I beat my chest and exclaim “I got this!”, the smokey BBQ glaze of the first few bites a distant memory as I wash each dry, chewy bite down with a huge gulp of water.

And then, seemingly an eternity after the GZA polished his bone, the last bite is down the hatch, as the waitress examines my completed shank and declares it finished (there were some dubious areas which could have raised questions of completeness).

The relief is only fleeting however, as we are then presented with the dessert menu. At the very least, we get to pick our poison. We both opt for the gelato, as it seems the safest option for the purpose of the challenge. Unfortunately, the wait for the dessert to arrive gives us just enough time for our minds to catch up to our bodies and realise just how stupidly full we are.

When the dessert arrives, it is accompanied with an absolute dagger, a last minute game changer. The three scoops of ice cream (berry, vanilla and chocolate) are topped with a giant, hard toffee spiral. We both opt for the strategy of breaking up the toffee and spreading it through the ice cream. After several bites, we both lock eyes and realise the huge mistake we have made, as inch long toffee blades slice their way all the way down. It is at this point, I try to throw in the towel. I try to tap out. I announce that I can’t do it. All the mental strength I was boasting of early has left me. I am a broken man. I get up and walk outside without saying a word, my engorged stomach leading the way. After a bit of fresh air, and fighting the urge to vomit in the park across the road in front of dozens of people, I return to SSS just as the GZA is licking the last bit of ice cream off his spoon. But unlike the shank, he did not make it look easy. He is in pain. He is struggling.

I look at my bowl. There is 1 and a half scoops of ice cream. Some has melted and can be slurped, which might just trick my stomach into thinking it does not need to expand. The spoon goes into the ice cream, it enters my mouth, I moan and cry a little bit. I repeat the process. I repeat again. I repeat once more. Then, like a torture victim who is finally given the sweet relief of death, there is suddenly no more ice cream left in the bowl. I am done.

While the GZA, without a shadow of a doubt, bested me and proved himself to be the TCB Big Dog, we both walked out of SSS “winners”. That is of course if your definition of “winning” includes two gluttonous gastronomes eating themselves sick (you’re kidding yourself if you think we both didn’t throw up almost immediately post consumption).

I don’t know whether completing the challenge is the most proud, or most ashamed I’ve ever been. What I do know is this: in my cupboard I have a 3XL t-shirt that comes down to my knees that says “I’ve been shanked”, and when you walk through the hallowed grounds of SSS BBQ Barn, the Shank Challenge Hall of Fame Board will read Tom “Glory” Gale and Andrew “Crash” Mackenzie.

Pain is temporary, but glory, eternal.

Ann Street, CBD

I have always loved the Olympics. Not just because for two weeks of the year I can become a dinner party expert on obscure sports such as European Handball and Women’s Team Archery, but for the sentimental feelings it stirs. The pride of watching elite athletes representing their country; the anger when those elite athletes only get bronze; the sympathy when an African nation competes in anything other than running; the confusion of whether one, as a 23 year old man, is morally permitted to find the 16 year old Eastern European competitors attractive. But most of all, it is the sense of competition. With that in mind, we are breaking our steadfast, formally unbreakable rule and will be discussing something outside of breakfast. So here it is: TCB presents – AMac and the GZA tackle the SSS BBQ Barn Beef Shank Challenge.

In the same vane as Man vs Food, the wild west themed steak house offers an eating challenge to test the fortitude of the cocky, swaggering young men and morbidly obese alike: if you can finish your choice of entree; a 2.4 kilogram beef shank, including a side of either chips, potato or sweet potato, and a dessert of your choice, you will attain eternal food glory by having your name etched onto the Wall Of Fame, and be given an exclusively reserved t-shirt commemorating your accomplishment.

Our two competitors for this evening are the GZA: coming straight from work, having eating a large lunch at 1.30pm, and an experienced competitive eater; and AMac: known for eating speed and efficiency but untested in the world of eating challenges, having not eaten all day, and talking a big game based around mental strength. We are also joined by the impartial, not competing Birdman.

In the interests of strategy, we both pass up the option of a succulent half rack of baby back ribs and go for less dense entrees: GZA the calamari and AMac the soft shell crab. These light seafood options, for all their bread crumbing and batter, hardly touch the sides, and after chomping through the entire base salad, we are both hungry for the main event.

Thow your 3s

Then, in one fell swoop, all the poise and confidence disappear when the almost 5 kilograms of beef is plonked onto the table. It resembles more a medieval weapon, something used to bludgeon the skulls of infidels in the Crusades, rather than a cut of meat. It’s hard to even picture which part of the cow this could possibly come from, unless the two shanks currently sitting on our table were previously the entire hindquarter of the beast. I would love to list off creative, funny analogies of what this shank looks like, but I am lost for words. Simply, this thing is fucking huge.

So with one last hopeful look at each other, we arm ourselves with oversized steak knives and tuck in. For any parents out there who want to teach their children the virtues of patience and planning, look no further than the story of AMac, the GZA and the 2.4 kilo shank. The next 30 minutes is the personification of the tortoise and the hare.

I shoot off true to form, attacking the shank with the reckless speed and efficiency for which I’m famed, carving hunks off the bone, mixing with sweet potato, coleslaw and side corn and shovelling into my gullet. In a little over 10 minutes I’m over half way there and powering on. A progress report from Birdman announces that while I’m just over 50%, the GZA has in fact just moved meat around his plate, and still has a ways to go.

Then…I hit the wall. My chewing slows to a grinding, masticating torture. My digestive tract swells like I’ve had a basketball wedged under my rib cage. I’ve got about a quarter of the shank to go and the mere sight of it is bringing me to tears (quite literally, the post-match analysis confirms that salty discharge did appear in my eyes). And the GZA? Somehow he has managed to strip all the meat and remove the bone, and now has a manageable pile of meat on his plate. In the time it has taken me to swell up and die, GZA has eliminated most of the shank. It just disappeared. I cannot stress the lunacy of seeing (or more to the point, not seeing) the meat just simply vanish. It must have been some form of meat hypnosis, as even after the challenge, the GZA could not remember where the meat went.

But…there is still a whole lot of meat and another course to go….

Did the TCB crew take down the Shank Challenge? Stay tuned for Part 2 of this epic journey!

Emporium, Fortitude Valley

Have you ever had that certain type of hangover where you’re not sure whether or not you are still drunk, and the first few hours of the day shoot by in that grey area between dream and reality? Today is one of those mornings.

I stumble out of my bedroom, a small marching band parading through my head, to be confronted with a sight too ridiculous to be real: the GZA, passed out on my couch, still wearing last night’s dinner shirt, buttoned right to the top, cufflinks still in place, tuxedo pants strewn on the floor, with the disk menu of The Office Season 3 playing on loop on the TV.

We both come to the crushing realisation that neither of us are in a position to drive, so we call back up.

Inviger8or

We hear it before we see it: the thumping bass of hip hop blearing from blocks away, as our evacuation driver rolls up the street in a silver convertible BMW. Is this really happening?

We roll into the Emporium complex to check out the often family friendly Buzz, Amili blearing so anti-socially loud that it attracts the disapproving stares of fellow patrons. Apparently parents don’t want their children hearing lyrics such as “damn I ate a shy bitch, she aint shy no more she changed her name to my bitch”. I reiterate: is this really happening?

Finally, we are onto breakfast. Buzz is packed, but we are lucky enough to score a table without having to wait. Examining the menu, there are a collection of staple options, a few interesting numbers, but the bulk of the menu is dedicated to a very large ‘build your own’ section. Our guest throws his menu down, and leaves it up to the ‘breakfast experts’ to choose for him, so we elect the roast pumpkin omelette. As for us, we are both intrigued by construction, so along with the standard ‘eggs your way’ (poached of course), we go with lambs fry and bacon, haloumi for AMac and potato rousite for the GZA.  Unfortunately it is a counter order situation, so as the biggest ticket at the table, I roll up to communally order the eight items required by our table, much to the chagrin of the line of people behind me.

Omlette with bacon

Our liquids arrive in decent time: a collection of coffees, inviger8or juices (tomato, chili, tobacco and celery), and a passion fruit smoothie. The coffee is decent, the juices are a perfect hangover cure, and according to the GZA, the smoothie is a ‘party’.

After filling in time using the “conversation starter topics” card placed on each table, and establishing that if he could go to lunch with any celebrity, the GZA would choose Lil’ Wayne, our food arrives. The omelette, packed full of onions, spinach and pumpkin, is in over baked pizza form, and is topped with toasted ciabatta and mounds of bacon.

Self Constructed eggs, haloumi and lambs fry

As for the creations, the eggs are well poached, the ciabatta well toasted, the haloumi exactly like every other piece of grilled haloumi – delicious – the roustie is adequate and the lambs fry and bacon does not have enough bacon (only diced speck) and is a touch dry. That pretty much sums it up: the food is good without being noteworthy in any way.

The real strength of Buzz is their collection of smoothies, which is obvious as there is a take away line that rolls out the door with people who can’t be bothered sitting in the crowded café.

But with counter service and only adequate food and coffee, Buzz is probably not a go to option if you find yourself in the Valley precinct, so I recommend that you get your ambiguously ethnic, BMW driving associate to take you somewhere else.

Coffee: 7.0          Menu: 7.0           Food: 7.0             Service: 6.5        Ambience: 6.5

Reviewed by AMac & GZA

Eagle Street, CBD

The sudden increase of under 25’s in the CBD during the day light hours can only mean that exam bloc is over and Gen Y’s are back to over dressing for the part time professions. This is not so much a snarky comment as a simple explanation of what I do when I’m not reviewing breakfast. So catching the early bus to town on a Friday morning, the GZA and AMac are ready for a long overdue power breakfast at Aquila, a favourite of the Finance and Legal Eagle (Street) fraternity.

Fully espousing the popular-coffee-shop-progresses-into-successful-restaurant evolution, Aquila’s new fit out allows for double the patrons, and sets up an open, warm atmosphere. This does not, however, prevent us from awkwardly standing in the ‘we would like a table’ area as three different waiters assure us that they will be right with us. After getting a table, the two things that really stand out about the menu, are first, how cheap everything is, and second, the fact that those cheap prices do not limit the selection too much, with proper breakfast options available. The two party items are readily identifiable as the poached eggs with avocado and the Denver sandwich (the sunshine state…Dever, gorgeous, gorgeous!). But there is an issue: who is getting what? Ever fearful of heavy stomached bloating at work, both the GZA and AMac are eying off the usually delicate avo and eggs; GZA even tries to pull some “but that’s my go to situation” white man bull shit.

Poached eggs with avocado and lemon

Coffees arrive in the same mind boggling efficiency as the take aways are pumped out (you only understand this speed once you have lined up, ordered, paid, then immediately collected). As always, they are very pleasing.

The food then comes very quickly, the importance of which can’t be overstated when indulging in pre work breakfast. It is revealed that the alpha of the big dogs got his way, and the poached eggs with avocado is placed deliberately in front of AMac.

Conducting the clinical operation of thickly smearing the half avocado onto the toast, zinging the spread with a slice of lemon,  the eggs are finally pierced to reveal a perfect, gluey yolk consistency – do I need to continue about perfectly poached eggs?

The Denver

While GZA had to settle for the Denver, it in no way detracted from its glory. Packed full of thick cut bacon, a double folded omelette and tickled with pesto, it is a great breakfast dish. Although a cautionary word: the GZA, famed for finishing both the World’s Hottest Burger and the Ribs and Rumps challenge (he has the steak knife to prove it) did not feel comfortable finishing the whole sandwich before work…which should paint a pretty clear picture.

Cheap, efficient, good coffee and a respectable menu selection, Aquila is a perfect CBD pre work breakfast option. The only down side is that if you work in a law or accounting firm somewhere on Eagle Street, you won’t “probably’ run into a work colleague, you will definitely run into a work colleague, and if you eat in anyway like me of the GZA, that cannot be a good thing.

Coffee: 8.5          Menu: 7.5           Food: 8.0             Service: 8.5         Ambience: 7.5

Reviewed by AMac & GZA

Brunswick Street, Fortitude Valley

People often ask me “hey AMac (they don’t actually use the name AMac, but in a pathetic attempt at keeping up the wafer thin veil of anonymity TCB pretends to have, let’s say they do), after 18 months and over 60 reviews, how do you keep the reviews fresh and entertaining?” (also note that this exchange may never have happened).

My answer usually varies from the marginally supercilious “I guess I’m just pretty witty” to the pathologically arrogant and narcissistic “My team and I might just be the greatest Brisbane based breakfast cafe reviewers the world has ever known.” The correct answer is actually that the reviews are not fresh (and are only seldom entertaining for that matter) and more often than not are recycled and repackaged jokes from past reviews.

So with that in mind, it’s time for another Exam Bloc TCB outing, or as it mostly comes across, a contrived, backhanded boast about me almost being a lawyer.

Black Sheep double flat

So armed with a ginger study ‘stache, a bag full of law notes and a plan for a study session (see what I did already?), TCB changes out of a week-unwashed hoody/track pants/ugg boot/thinking cap (tearsman flat brim never worn out of the house) ensemble for real clothes and heads to Lady Lamington – a former church that has since been de-sanctified and turned into a bar and cafe. It is another in what is becoming quite a niche market of venues, which afford you the luxury of being able to get spastically drunk on their cocktails until the wee small hours of the morning, then head back to the scene of the crime to alleviate the lingering symptoms at breakfast.

On a sunny day Lady Lamington would be perfect, a large sunny dining room down stairs, with assorted, mismatched furniture and Veuve Clicquot advertising decor plastered everywhere, and an ex-church adjacent roof top deck. Unfortunately, today is a bleak, overcast, drizzly winter’s day, so we scurry straight inside and don’t get the full effect.

Their new menu has some fantastic items, whether they are out of the ordinary or groovy interpretations of breakfast staples, but as an avid supporter of crunchy, underside flesh of all varieties, I can’t go past the pork belly with slow poached eggs. My study buddy goes for the sautéed field mushrooms.

Field 'shrooms

Coffees arrive without too much of a wait, and according to the menu, the double flat white and late we are about to consume consist of Black Sheep beans, a local boutique roaster. While not quite Campos, they are quite pleasing.

After delving through the perils of medical negligence, the meals arrive. I am told that the field mushrooms, plentifully arranged over a cream cheese spread on toasted sourdough, are very flavourful and definitely filling.

Pork belly w slow poached eggs, potato cake and blood pudding

The pork belly, as expected, is a pretty decedant breakfast option, and while not the mountain of hog stomach that is served at the German Club, is a good size for the morning. The delicious, crunchy top layer is surprisingly well complimented by the slippery slow poached eggs. And just in case it’s not quite carnivorous enough, two delicate spots of black pudding round out the dish.

Lady Lamington is a great venue, but definitely feels more like a cocktail bar than a breakfast spot (which is an accurate statement for most of the week). Whether you’re looking to fill up on brain food in the morning, or celebrate/commiserate finishing an exam with cocktails and drunken shenanigans, Lady Lamington is definitely worth a try.

Coffee: 8.0          Menu: 8.5           Food: 8.0             Service: 8.0         Ambience: 8.5

Reviewed by AMac

Felix Street, CBD

Welcome to another edition of TCB goes to work, so sauntering into the city slightly earlier than required, AMac and the GZA attempt to keep yolk off clean pressed business shirts at Spring, a CBD restaurant that has recently begun dabbling in the fine art of breakfast.

We take a seat in one nook of the enormous dining area. The table next to us is occupied by two suspended ceramic heads and unattached forearms. Call us sadistic, but ingesting adjacent to severed heads and limbs is not that off putting for TCB, rather, we think it’s pretty cool.

Double Flat

A friendly (read: attractive) American waitress looks after us, and after a look at the relatively short menu, one of us opts for the corn cakes with poached eggs and the other (of course the GZA) goes for the biggest, most expensive item on the menu, the Spring Breakfast: two eggs, bacon, chorizo chipolatas, spinach and roesti.

Our coffees arrive and are decent enough, but we then wait quite a while for our meals. It is at this time that the horror sets in. There is a table, seated before us, with twenty people at it, and a momentary eye contact with the waitress confirms, we are finished. She dutifully apologises for the wait, blaming the aforementioned large table, and assures us it won’t be too much longer.

Corn Cakes

It is now 8.22am when the meals arrive, so any analysis is going to be at break neck speed. So here is a snap shot of what we experienced in the 4 minutes it took us to eat the meals: all four eggs of both meals were slightly under poached, which is better than the alternative, but still meant the yolk was a bit too runny, and came very close to having that chalky taste that only uncooked eggs can provide. The corn cakes were packed full of sustenance and ingredients, bursting with density, but unfortunately, were a little dry.

Spring Breakfast

On the plus side, GZA’s potato roesti was, to quote, ‘victorious’, and the bacon was possibly the crunchiest he’s ever had.

A little slack can be cut for the 25 minute wait for the food, because it is not every day that an enormous table takes up the prime time breakfast time slot, but still, Spring broke the cardinal rule of not poaching eggs correctly.

But with a great dining room with plenty of space and severed heads, decent coffee and several reasonably priced ($12) menu items, Spring is an acceptable CBD breakfast option. TCB have probably over indulged, and will need the ‘running late for work’ hustle to kick start the digestive process, lest we need a full stomach nap once we hit the office.

Coffee: 7.5          Menu: 7.0           Food: 6.5             Service: 7.0         Ambience: 8.0

Reviewed by AMac & GZA

James Street, New Farm

What is the deal with book shelves? Yes, I understand the concept of a multi levelled structure intended for the storage of hard copy literature, but it seems that the new vogue on the cafe scene is having a collection of second hand books on hand for the sole purpose of aesthetic impression. The Little Pantry is no different, with a small interior dining room with a full wall book shelf, but beyond this esoteric motif operates the latest hip, trendy New Farm eatery.

Early on a Thursday morning, the GZA and AMac bypass a table of young corporate types and two attractive young women in exercise attire and head straight to the counter to inspect the chalk board menu lining the entire back wall of the establishment. There are some very interesting options, but the two standouts have to be the salmon roulades with poached eggs; and the Pantry Eggs.

Long Mac

Taking a seat in an enormous couch, obviously intended for more than just two men in the pursuit of luxury, TCB take a second to scout our surroundings. Littered throughout the whole cafe, from on table tops to scattered amongst the book shelf, are oversized chess pieces. The internal space of the cafe is moderate, but there aren’t too many tables and chairs, which creates a very spacious atmosphere, but could be troublesome trying to get a space to call your own on a busy weekend.

Di Bella double flat

In quick time the TCB musing is brought to an end, as our coffees and meals arrive. Both the Di Bella double flat and long mac are pleasing, as Di Bella usually is.

The Pantry Eggs include a host of ingredients that feature heavily on the TCB approved breakfast favourite list, and with perfectly poached eggs, hordes of smoked salmon, zesty grilled haloumi and a spicy tomato relish with a bit of a kick, the correct execution of a great inventory of components makes it a great breakfast dish.

Pantry Eggs

The salmon roulades a series of cream cheese moulds, wrapped tightly in smoked salmon, with two perfectly poached eggs, topped with a mound of avocado and tomato salsa. As with the first dish, it had no problems living up to the expectation set by the $19.00 price tag.

Salmon Roulades

The food is excellent, the menu is interesting, the coffee is solid, the decor is cool, without looking ostentatious or pretentious.

The only things preventing The Little Pantry from entering the top tier of Brisbane breakfasts are the absence of table service, and the fact that the limited amount of table space would make a relaxing Sunday morning breakfast feel more like attempting to establish forward position on a battle field.

But in keeping with recent form, New Farm is proving that in a coalition of the willing with New Farm and Tenerife, it is still the territory to head to when you want a great breakfast.

 Coffee: 8.5          Menu: 9.0           Food: 9.0             Service: 8.0         Ambience: 8.5

Reviewed by AMac & GZA

Wharf Street, Brisbane CBD

Double flat

Just like the audience of Harry Potter, TCB likes to think that our audience is growing up alongside our protagonist (ourselves). So with that in mind, as all members of the TCB crew are now burgeoning young professionals, we figured it was time to give you a taste of what to taste for a pre work breakfast in the Brisbane CBD. It goes without saying, you can’t expect to snap necks, cash cheques, and make bank bro on an empty stomach.

Hopping off the peoples chariot at 7.25am, TCB head to the incredibly popular PourBoy Espresso. As a party of one, I take a seat at the long share table (not only to be courteous, but also because it faces the opposite direction of a table occupied by a personal nemesis and all around douche bag who will remain nameless), and am pleased to see an assortment of the mornings periodicals. At these sort of establishments you don’t expect the menu to be too complicated or extensive, as there needs to be an emphasis on speed and efficiency. But to my surprise, the breakfast options, while not overly broad, are very ‘restaurant’ like, with options such as a spanner crab omelette spicing up the selection. But with a need for brain food, TCB opts for the smoked salmon with herbed cream cheese and a poached egg.

Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese

As the line to the counter snakes its way out the door, my double flat arrives in little time. A quick peruse of a former Tasmanian MP turned convicted sex offender due to a hyper-sexual reaction to his Parkinsons medication later, and my meal arrives. The salmon is plentiful and very tasty, the toast is crunchy and well buttered, and the egg is ever so slightly under poached, which is much preferable to slightly over. But what sets the dish apart from others of its kind is the smooth, rich herbed cream cheese, as it is obviously house made, and not scooped out of a Philadelphia packet.

What is remarkable is that in a CBD market full of rapid fire cafes and bakeries, haphazardly slinging out toasties and yoghurt to the working masses, Pour Boy is operating like a ‘real’ restaurant. There is a surly head chef barking orders to his minions; the barrister scolding the wait staff for not running a coffee quick enough, resulting in him having to pour it out and start again, lest he serve a coffee anything other than piping hot.; and the table service if friendly, fast and efficient.

There is a lot to like about PourBoy, as a great meal can be consumed in under 25 minutes, and even better, the air conditioning is set to 18 degrees. The only downside is that if you were to get an $18 breakfast and coffee every morning, combined with a $10 lunch steak special, you would quickly find yourself eating your way through your profits. But if you are going to grab one CBD breakfast before work, make it a Pour Boy breakfast.

Coffee: 8.5          Menu: 7.5           Food: 8.5             Service: 8.5         Ambience: 8.0

Review by AMac

Commercial Road, Tenerife

Ice Latte

Breakfast is never simply breakfast. Different scenarios call for different characteristics. On a weekend, one can afford the time to fully immerse themselves in luxury, taking the time to enjoy the experience, chatting with friends and partners (whether long term or acquired within the last 16 hours), or leisurely perusing the weekend’s periodicals. The working week, however, is a very different beast. With business on the brain, dangerous efficiency is required. So before slaving away for the man, men about town AMac and GZA need to treat themselves to breakfast at Tenerife’s Caffeine Espresso.

double flat

We roll into the undersized cafe and stride to the counter to peruse the menu board and order. There are some instances where counter service is acceptable, and when timeliness is an important factor, not too many tears are shed. One drawback, however, is that the menu is rather limited, forcing one breakfaster to opt for the only option of real substance, the scrambled eggs with smoked salmon, while the other calls and early shotgun on the breakfast special, the haloumi stack with fried eggs, toast and bacon.

We take a seat outside in the warm morning atmos, and in very quick time, a double flat and a (prepare to stifle a giggle) ice latte arrive. The flat white is excellent, a great mix of texture and strength, and while the slurpee like concoction on the other side of the table may look a tad emasculating, order envy is definitely present as GZA is cooled and refreshed, all the while being treated to a morning caffeine injection.

Scrambled eggs and smoked salmon

With not too much more of a wait, the food arrives. The scramble is excellent, a creamy, rich flavour served alongside three rolled salmon tubes and simple buttered doorstop toast. But yet again, GZA hits the nail on the head, as the haloumi stack is not only visually appealing, a towering mess of Hellenic cheese, crispy bacon and perfectly fried eggs, but the whimpers of content and speed of consumption are a dead giveaway of its palatability (the word ‘glory’ may have been thrown around).

Haloumi stack

In and out in about half an hour, Caffeine Espresso perfectly serviced TCB’s requirements, providing delicious, hearty breakfast and great coffee at an efficient speed. So with the most important meal of the day bowled over, we can get down to business…filling in the next ten hours until we can go for after work drinks, and tell people what a tough day it’s been.

Coffee: 8.5          Menu: 6.5           Food: 8.5             Service: 8.0         Ambience: 7.5

Review by AMac & GZA

Florence Street, Tenerife

Breakfast: til 2.00pm

It has finally happened. TCB has given up the flamboyant, playboy lifestyle of a whimsical vagrant and joined the corporate leviathan, slaving away for the man in his corporate Ivory Tower. Fortunately, TCB are incredibly conservative, and the accumulation of independent wealth through private enterprise and big business is well supported. Unfortunately, the 8 to 6 lifestyle makes weekday breakfast junkets a tough ask. So on a sunny Sunday morning following a Saturday dodging bogans, sinking $6.80 mid strengths and getting sun burnt (yes, the cricket), TCB don’t venture too far from home and visit the hugely popular Sourced Grocer in Tenerife. A hippy owned and operated fresh produce market and cafe, this converted warehouse offers affluent housewives and pretentious inner city wankers (include or exclude TCB as you wish) just what the area needs: good quality, fresh produce (because from Tenerife, the excellent wares of the Powerhouse markets at New Farm and the James Street Market in the Valley are just soooo far away.)

Patrons take a seat wherever they can find one: milk crates outside; windowsills; the front stairs to the premises; the high horses they rode in on. We breeze past the fruit and vegetable collection, which doesn’t actually appear to be that extensive, through to the tiny cafe section. The limited menu is scrawled on the tiles of the back wall, and once TCB do battle with the confusing ordering and payment system, we end up ordering the croquet monsieur with Bangalow ham, and the buffalo mozzarella with Roma tomatoes. All ready in a huff and a puff over being deprived the chance to order anything even remotely resembling an egg, TCB have to sit on the corner of the only table in the entire place, having to go through the “excuse me, but do you mind if we sit four and a half inches away from you?” with closely proximate diners, souring the mood further.

double flat

And now, as a treat for our loyal fans, I will spare you the recount of the next 56 minutes of the experience, as nothing of note happened, other than a proliferation of screaming children. Oh sorry, the coffees did arrive after 30 minutes, and were watery, bland, flavourless cups of disappointment.

It’s been said before that TCB will cut slack for slow service in a bustling, busy cafe, as long as it is friendly and attentive, but when the food finally did arrive, with no apology to the wait, there would have only been about fifteen others in the place. And what did we get for our wait? The ham in the croquet monsieur was very good, but in reality, it was a small, $12.00, 1 hour toasted sandwich. As for the buffalo mozzarella, the GZA tells me it was passable at best, while the tomatoes were simply that: tomatoes.

Buffalo mozzarella with Roma tomatoes

Seriously, you could have a thousand ravenous breakfast goers threatening to tear the building down to the foundations, it does not take an hour to toast a sandwich and put some tomatoes and cheese in a bowl. There isn’t even any cooking involved in the later process. It would almost have been quicker to drive to Bangalow ourselves, slaughter our own pig, and put it between some Turkish bread.

If you feel like the level of hostility is growing, you are tremendously astute. The appeal of trendy, hip, cool eateries is nowhere near lost on TCB, but if you can’t get the basics right, there is no point striving for a Melbourne image, which is obviously what The Sourced Grocer is trying to do. If doing a spot of produce shopping and getting a bite to eat sounds like your thing, go to the Powerhouse markets and get some of the best fruit and veg you’ll find, and chow down on a $6.50 bratwurst which will fill you to the seams. Failing that, go to the James Street Market then walk round the corner to Campos for a coffee and a fry up.

Croquet Monsieur with Bangalow ham

The pretentiousness of the Sourced Grocer is in all honesty the least of its problems, as criticising that aspect would make TCB a very black pot. While you may have become use to the flowing, creative prose of past reviews, some messages are most effectively delivered in their simplest form. So excuse the vulgarity, but the Sourced Grocer is shit.

Coffee: 3.0          Menu: 3.0           Food: 5.0             Service: 1.0         Ambience: 5.0

Review by AMac & GZA

Double Piccolo

Welsby Street, New Farm

Breakfast: til 12.00pm

Coffee: Merlo

The corner of Welsby Street and Lamington Street in New Farm has been a veritable graveyard for restaurateurs, as the red brick facade has housed countless ownership, name, and culinary changes. TCB take a trip into check out the most recent manifestation of the location, Bitter Suite, a cafe/restaurant/bar/beer boutique. TCB’s visit to the previous cafe at this location, Coco Bella, with its rainbow sticker on the door to denote it as ‘gay friendliness’, raised some interesting questions about the institution of two males sharing breakfast at a corner table, but this morning, Bitter Suite offers an alfresco table quell any such suspicions.

There seem to be a host of specials such as wine tastings and happy hours, but that does not do us much good in the am. The breakfast menu is short, but contains the staples you would expect of any reputable breakfast establishments: two varieties of Benedict, a big breakfast, pancakes/French toast, and a grilled mushroom concoction. TCB go with the Bitter Suite breakfast with poached eggs, and the salmon eggs Benedict.

Salmon Benedict

The coffees arrive in decent time, but unfortunately TCB’s nemesis rears its ugly head: Merlo coffee beans. This aside, the barista has done a decent enough job, as the double shot piccolo is well textured, and at the very least strong, albeit a touch bland.

After a bit of a wait the European waitress (that’s about as specific as I can get I’m afraid) delivers the meals. The salmon Benedict on toasted ciabatta has an abundance of its namesake breakfast fish, and the eggs are well poached and drowned in a rich hollandaise sauce.

The Bitter Suite breakfast is a good execution of a breakfast classic: two well poached eggs; handfuls of wilted, sautéed spinach; plenty of crispy bacon; well toasted bread; a mountain of grilled mushrooms; and a long, thin pork sausage (may it be known that TCB likes a thick, stoat lamb sausage but oh well). While there is nothing overtly special about this dish, all the components are done well.

Bitter Suite Breakfast

The draw card Bitter Suite appears to be the bar, which seems like a pretty cool little bar, including novelty items such as strawberry beer, not to mention happy hours applying to draught Stone & Wood; and while this may seem like a slight digression from the driven purpose of TCB, I have a sincere hope that it can go the distance, unlike the hordes of failures before it. But back to the important end of the day, the breakfast at Bitter Suite is solid, without attaining the quality of some of the top end New Farm destinations, but with revenue driven by the cash cow that is draught beer, hopefully all aspects of the restaurant will be pushed in the right direction.

Coffee: 7.5          Menu: 7.5           Food: 8.5             Service: 7.5         Ambience: 7.5

Review by AMac

Vernon Tce, Tenerife

Breakfast: from 7.00am

There is something about having a charitable ginger moustache that makes a man want to lick food remanants from it, often hours after the initial meal was consumed. Hence, on this mid Movember morning, TCB look for a quick bite and coffee to quell the stomach rumblings hastily, to get back to the books (which, as all Uni students know, means sitting at the computer trawling Facebook and Taking Care of Breakfast).

Double Flat

Dot Espresso lies quietly at the tip of Vernon Tce, the gateway to the trendy Tenerife strip. While there are an abundance of breakfast options in this area, TCB are always open to a quick cheap option. The menu basically has two options, French banana bread or egg doit, and once I pop my head into the kitchen/order counter and hear the French accent of the girl running the show, one could deduce that Dot is fundamentally French (I assume it will surrender immediately should conflict erupt in Tenerife).

A double flat white arrives at the outdoor table quickly, where a Courier Mail is left for perusal. The coffee is alright, but is a touch bitter.

Egg Doit

Without much delay, the egg doit arrives, and is surprisingly aesthetic. Most places of this short, sharp nature plate up simply, but the soft and fluffy scrambled eggs come served in a mini frying pan, dusted with fresh chives and tomatoes. Accompanied with nicely toasted organic sourdough and a saucer full of warm butter, this delish breakfast belies the assumption one would make about the establishment.

At $11 for coffee and a tasty breakfast, if you’re in a hurry, Dot is a cheap and cheerful option for the morning, but won’t be breaking any records or winning any awards any time soon.

Coffee: 7.0     Menu: 4.0        Food: 8.0         Service: 8.0           Ambience: 7.0

Review by AMac

Not yet featured on Urban Spoon

Creswell Street, Newstead

Breakfast: All Day

Coffee: Black Star

With the way the cafe and coffee culture in Brisbane is taking off, industrial chic and faux dive is very much vogue. Accordingly, when TCB take a stroll through the back blocks of Newstead, I find myself sticking my head under every half open roller door of every workshop and warehouse, expecting to see a lanky hipster, taking time away from occupying whatever semi metropolitan city they’ve chosen to disrupt this week in skinny jeans (oooo so edgy and political AMac!) manning a commercial coffee machine, with kitschy garden furniture and women with prams. So after several men in overalls and high-vis shirts told me to ‘get the fuck out of their workshop’, I finally stumbled in to Shucked Coffee House, a converted shed a midst the panel beaters and car yards (actual encounters with overalled men may or may not have happened.)

Black Star double flat

Cheap retro mustard wall paper lines from the arched roof, down the walls to the industrial concrete floor, and is complemented well by mismatched couches of a similar era, and a gargantuan wooden bench housing the morning’s periodicals. This 70’s stoner pad meets warehouse is a very trendy vibe, and seems to be what is working throughout the Fortitude Valley.

Unfortunately, patrons have to order at the counter, which is always a disappointment, but the charming Irish accent of the button behind the counter quells all discontent. The menu has a few decent options including buttermilk pancakes and a breakfast burrito, but on a Friday morning before University, the toasted muesli with poached apple and berry compote seems like a good light option for a mornings learning.

Muesli

Taking a seat at the aforementioned bench, a deliciously strong and well prepared double flat is produced without much delay. A quick skim of the sports section of the Australian and then the food arrives. What I assumed would be a light option turned out to be a mountain of crunchy muesli, topped plentifully with perfectly sweet (not too sickly) yoghurt, a jar of raspberry compote (needless to say this was post applied liberally) and a mini glass of milk (not quite as liberally applied). As far as muesli goes, this was very good, and the seemingly bottomless pit that is AMac was well and truly satisfied.

Anywhere that boasts itself as a ‘Coffee House’ sets a pretty high expectation, and Shucked meets this with relative ease, as their coffee is definitely their strongest suit. But with a cool fit out, good food, and an Irish waitress, next time you find yourself buying a Volkswagen, or if you are just keen to take a trip into Newstead, Shucked is definitely worth a try.

Coffee: 9             Menu: 7.5           Food: 8.0             Service: 7.5         Ambience: 8.5

Reviewed by AMac

Merthyr Road, New Farm

Breakfast: 7.00am –12.00pm

Coffee: Merlo

Walking into Cafe Bouquiniste on a Tuesday mid-morning is akin to one of those dreams you may have had where all the individual elements would seem fine in isolation, but when coupled together seem quite bizarre and strange. In a corner decorated as a library, with a tall book shelf containing dusty old soft cover books, a woman in ridiculously tight jeans is re-covering books in laminate, which she is cutting from a seemingly oversized sheet of translucent plastic; the table set out varies from daggy old couches to semi dilapidated garden furniture to an old double school desk with the fold up table top; there is a soft, almost haunting instrumental soundtrack playing; a couple who seem too old to be casually hip, but too young not to be at work, sit in the middle of the room in absolute silence; and finally, a hip young girl in a Cramps t-shirt acknowledges my presence and attends to the counter to take my order. I don’t know if I’m scared, frustrated or aroused, but somehow, this Inception like dreamscape is doing it for me, and sets a pretty cool atmosphere.

Merlo double flat

The menu is brief, but all options are under $10.00, so TCB go with the ‘Bouky Breakie’, having no idea what this constitutes. After ordering at the counter (*sigh*), TCB heads outside, and realises that the kitschy/indie/hip vibe continues, as mismatched tables are scattered all the way up to the weatherboard house wall, covered in music posters.

Bouky Breakie

After a very short wait, a Merlo double flat arrives, and as expected, is a touch watery and devoid of any fantastic flavour. Still, TCB have had worse. Sitting around as the sun streams in, it is a pleasant wait for the food to arrive. When the Bouky Breakie arrives, it shows itself to be two fried eggs on toasted crunchy sourdough; fresh spinach leaves; sliced avocado; sautéed mushrooms; roast pumpkin; and caramelized onions. The sunny side up eggs are ever so slightly over fried, but not to the point of ruin, but the dish is brought back by the beautiful soft avocado and pumpkin, and the highlight of the dish: the deliciously sweet caramelized onions.

In the New Farm area, there are better coffees, there are better menus, there is better food, and there is better service, but if you are willing to roll your pant cuffs up, button your top shirt button, put on your horn rim glasses and quip pithy ironic observations, Cafe Bouquiniste is a very trendy, very hip and very cheap option for breakfast.

Coffee: 6.5          Menu: 7.0           Food: 7.5             Service: 7.0         Ambience: 9.0

Reviewed by AMac

The Barracks, Paddington

Merlo double flat

Breakfast: 7.00am –12.00pm

Coffee: Merlo

The mere suggestion of police and jails would normally draw unsavoury thoughts of nasty business such as unwelcomed sodomy and the Fitzgerald inquiry. However, when referencing Paddington’s Barracks precinct, a heritage listed former police barracks and lock up, the violent rape scenes (and that was just the bringing down of Joh) are replaced with images of trendy cinema goers and cafe enthusiasts.

Early on this Friday morning, TCB is heading into The Chelsea, a funky foodery deposited in the old red brick of the Barracks. Walking in the door at 7.30am, the chic indoor dining room, with booth sitting, cork tables and books lining the walls, is already close to filled, with one available spot for the TCB party of two to do what they do best.

Kedgeree

The very cheery waiter seats us and immediately takes our coffee order, leaving us to focus on the business of the menu. There are some good menu options, such as the truffle creamed egg with French toasted brioche, but in the ever present hunt for intrigue, two definitely stick out: the carrot jam with poached eggs, smoked bacon and potato hash; and the Kedgeree, an Indian inspired breakfast with smoked ocean trout, poached eggs and batsami rice. Needless to say, TCB were of course corrected on their pronunciation, but were assured that no one gets it right.

Buoyed that our ignorance and cultural insensitivity is shared by other diners, TCB is surprised by the haste at which the coffees are delivered, in a very crowded dining room. Unfortunately, as the sugar packet gives away, the bean is Merlo, and unsurprisingly, is adequate to say the most.

The food arrives in great time, and just like a sweetly timed straight drive, right off the bat, things look good. The carrot jam is more of a thick, sweet relish encircling a squat potato hash, wrapped in smokey, salty bacon that could easily be mistaken for prosciutto, with two testicular poached eggs sitting on top (it is unfortunate that a perfect poach egg can best be described with such an unpleasant image).

Carrot Jam

The Kedgeree really is an exotic breakfast option. Two of the aforementioned testicles rest on top of a mound of beautifully yellow batsami, with flaked fish spread throughout. The unusual flavour of the rice-yolk-fish combination is then kicked up a notch by the omnipresence of fresh chopped coriander littering the dish. This could be the closest you will come to a good old fashioned breakfast curry.

As TCB leave after only half an hour, there is a line trailing out the door as the wait staff hurriedly scuttle around to accommodate the influx of customers. This popularity is definitely deserved, with a great menu filled with exotic flavours, a trendy inside and sun soaked (after 9.30am) alfresco dining area, quick and friendly service and fantastic food, The Chelsea is an brilliant breakfast location. That said, do not think this breaks the chain of Paddington disappointments, because The Barracks, resting on the very edge of the city, is an entity unto itself.

Coffee: 7.5          Menu: 9.0           Food: 9.0             Service: 9.0         Ambience: 9.0

Reviewed by AMac & GZA

Brunswick Street, New Farm

Genovese Piccolo

Breakfast: 7.00am –2.00pm

Coffee: Genovese  

With business of a certain presidential nature to discuss, two members of the TCB Crew decided on an early morning breakfast as the most appropriate meal to descend into the world of political intrigue. Or at least, what would have been an early morning breakfast had one TCBer not been stymied by the infuriating dirge of peak-hour traffic.

Fresh OJ

The first Genovese piccolo is delivered in good time, while a lonely AMac ponders both the breakfast selection and the social etiquette of waiting for a breakfast companion. Luckily, the pangs of guilt that usually accompany the hogging of a table are not present, as the inside dinning room is empty; with the other patrons electing to bask in the sun at the outdoor tables. This gives TCB a chance to admire the decor: a silhouette mural on one wall, a black and white sketch of a sword wielding cat on the other, and a colourful portrait of Anthony Kiedis over the top of the juicing station.

Genovese Flat

The menu offers some tantalising options, including brioche French toast with elderflower soaked berries, vanilla ricotta and honeycomb. As intriguing as this sounds, once Myles arrives, our over-compensating masculinity takes over, forcing us to steer clear of the sweet option. Instead we order the two most interesting savoury options: the bubble and squeak with handmade pork and fennel chipolatas, fried eggs and tomato compote; and the smashed peas and zucchini with ricotta toast and oven baked prosciutto.

As we wait for the meals to arrive, I decide to indulge in a freshly-squeezed orange juice (the preparation of which occurs within the ever-vigilant gaze of the Chili Peppers’ front man). Once you’ve had fresh OJ, you don’t need it described to you, but adjectives such as zing, pep, zest, creamy etc are usually thrown around; all of which apply in this instance.

Bubble & Squeak

The smell of the prosciutto wafts from the kitchen, and trumpets the arrival of the meals. Both a presented beautifully and served in abundance. The bubble and squeak is a roulade of assorted mashed and sautéed vegetables, such as potato, sweet potato, and zucchini, the combination of which is a treat for the taste buds.  Coupled with the flavoursome chipolatas, two well fried eggs and delicious tomato compote to compliment, the dish is wholly satisfying.

The smashed pea and zucchini is presented as a verdant mountain, and has a very interesting flavour when shovelled into the mouth simultaneously with the ricotta covered toast and the salty prosciutto. However, the peas are so plentiful that once the cured meat has disappeared, the dish gets a bit “samey”.

Smashed Peas

The cherry on top of this pleasing breakfast experience is the chatty, friendly service. As good as food and coffee can be, service without a smile can sour an otherwise fantastic breakfast. Pablo is right on the edge of the New Farm cafe hub, and is in close proximity to the incredibly popular Vue, but by scoring consecutive fat ladies in all categories, TCB can recommend a trip to the other end of Brunswick Street.

Coffee: 8.0          Menu: 8.0           Food: 8.0             Service: 8.0         Ambience: 8.0

Reviewed by AMac

South Brisbane 
182 Grey St Shop 5
South Brisbane, 4101
www.piafbistro.com.au

They say there’s no such thing as a free feed. However, don’t let anyone tell you that on your birthday. Being a special day, TCB was looking for a breakfast experience that would deliver on high expectations. Being ranked in the top 10 on urbanspoon and after hearing only glowing reviews, the French twisted ‘Piaf’ was an easy choice.

Piaf is situated on Grey Street, just one block away from the hive of weekend activity that is the Southbank markets. It felt as this crowd had transcended upon this cosy cafe, as no table was left unoccupied and no waiter un utilised.  A (necessary) booking was made for 11am, giving us just enough time to cash in on the final breakfast orders for the day.

There were four of us eating, which to me felt like the perfect number, as once you skip past the lightweight options (croissant, porridge, fruit toast/turkish bread compote) and onto the contenders, there really wasn’t that much to choose from. Ok let’s be honest, if you are coming in for a decent meal, there are only four items to choose from: a Croque Monsieur i.e. toasted ham & cheese sandwich; Sweet potato & feta hash cakes with silverbeet & pine nuts; Proscuitto, semi-dried tomato & provolone omelette & Eggs Benedict w’ Leg Ham, Smoked Salmon or Bacon. So TCB, with the help of friends, chose them all.

While waiting for the meals a selection of drinks were ordered, with the Mango smoothie and hot chocolate being the pick of the bunch.

The food came out in good time and the eggs benedict failed to disappoint. A thick and creamy hollandaise drowning two poached eggs that were ready to explode yolk all over the restaurant with one touch of the knife. The meal being seasoned and complimented with crispy wilted spinach was definately a bonus. Mixed reviews came from around the table – whereas the sweet potato and feta were compared to something that only an angel could have hand crafted and looked after before mashed into hash cakes, the omelette was dry and accompanied with overcooked turkish bread, and the croque was very underwhelming, served with one piece of bread as an open cut sandwich.So, after this review, the fallout from a breakfast with a limited menu was  mixed to say the least. However, this TCB’er went home brimming with satisfaction and eager to get back for the dinner menu.Food: 8          Menu: 6.5        Service: 8.5        Ambience: 8.5        Coffee: 8

Review by GZA

Commercial Road, Newstead

Subtle street access

Breakfast: All day

Coffee: Veneziano

A select minority may be quick to criticise TCB for a myriad of things: the occasional typo and spelling mistake; an apparent lack of ‘food expertise’; and a definite superiority complex of at least one crew member. So rather than simply tell these joyless cretins to go and read Sausser’s guide to Structuralism if they would rather experience grammatical perfection than derive the fun out of TCB, we thought it more prudent to show a real commitment and dedication to our quest.

Veneziano Flat

Hence, after Salt declared itself the new champion, it seemed only fair to re visit the former title holder, Symposium, to give their new menu its deserved rematch. To get a full grasp of the TCB favourite, we conducted our reviews over several mornings, sampling as many of the different menu items as possible, as well as testing the three most important breakfast scenarios: casual; hung over (yes this can sometimes be planned) and pre work.

Omelette: comes filled with either shaved roast beef of sand crab meat

You may remember TCB’s first foray to Symposium to test their amazing degustation breakfast menu, and the confusion that such a stupendously creative, unique and quality breakfast spot could be hidden at the base of an office building. Swanning our way back into the cosy dining room with full kitchen view several times in succession, TCB realises that one of the intangible elements adding to the fantastic atmosphere of Symposium is that the chef, barista and head waiter are always there. By the fifth visit in two weeks, our new bearded best friend sat us immediately, and delivered the double skinny flats without even taking the order.

When asked for something with pineapple in it, this is what came out: a glorious concoction of assorted berries, veggies and TCB's favourite tropical fruit

As most of you will be aware, you can usually skip the first couple of basic, stock standard items on a breakfast menu and skip down to the last two or three, which are usually the more interesting options. Not however, at Symposium, because there is not a single item on the menu that doesn’t sound like a unique concoction of whimsy and wonder.

The most ‘simple’ would be the eggs Benedict, but did we mention that the flawlessly poached eggs and torn salmon includes decedent shaved truffle? There is a quesadilla bowl with hearty, spicy savoury mince that oozes with melted cheese and supports two perfectly sunny fried eggs. The sand crab omelette is a fluffy envelope containing hordes of biting crab meat.

Poached Pear

The bowl of porridge is presented with a whole poached pear, stem still in. There is a pan roasted sirloin breakfast steak that comes served with fried eggs & a tomato chutney on thick Vienna toast. Several breakfast burgers are on offer including haloumi, peppers and avocado; and Kobe beef with egg, bacon and chutney as the main fillings respectively, which are accompanied by crunchy onion rings.

This is all without mentioning the collection of house sauces, including a breakfast hot sauce which is provided under the instruction, “be careful and don’t go overboard, it’s hot.” As a collection of belligerent males, this is set down as a challenge not a warning, but even the hearty spice constitutions of the TCB crew were left thinking, “the shit just got real.”

Breakfast Burger

But this is all foreplay baby, and the pièce de résistance is definitely the pan roasted New Zealand Salmon with seasoned avocado, poached eggs and hollandaise sauce. TCB are not prone to hyperbole, but this could just be the best single dish on the Brisbane breakfast scene. An immensely portioned fillet of crispy skin salmon, deep in flavour, is decorated with two gluey poached eggs, delicately diced avocado and a bay of rich hollandaise. It is a treat to view, a treat to taste and a treat to just sit and bask in the fantastic mix of flavours that hang on the palate well after the plate has been scraped clean.

Truffled eggs Benedict with Salmon

Salmon fillet with poached eggs

There is a drawback to Symposium however. Its amazing menu, fantastic coffee, brilliant food, great fit out and speedy, friendly and loyal service, not to mention it being located two blocks from TCB HQ, mean that for the first time since its birth, TCB’s thirst for exploration has been quelled, and the thought of passing up the best for the rest is a hard pill to swallow. Having achieved the status of regulars, TCB will take this opportunity to disclose its new bias for Symposium.

Paraphrasing an east coast rap heavy weight, Salt’s rule was shorter than leprechauns because Symposium came back hard. The King is dead. Long live the King.

Coffee: 9.0          Menu: 10            

Food: 9.5             Service: 10         

Ambience: 9.0

Review by TCB Crew

Brunswick Street, Fortitude Valley

Breakfast: All Day

Coffee: Giancarlo

"I already graduated but you can make it through anything if Magic made it..."

I can still hear the cries, as one TCBer hounds another “where is my Ponycat review?!” It has now been five months since TCB first visited Ponycat, but as you will very well know, there has been no review. Sick of waiting for what has obviously been lost to vagaries of time, the rest TCB thought it best to just cut its losses and start again. It is on this superfluous note that TCB and guest find themselves at this wacky Brunswick Street establishment on a miserably wet and windy Sunday morning.

Seated at a table next to the window, the experience is off to an interesting start when the decorative collage sprawling all over the table includes both a black and white cut out of Adolph Hitler’s face, and the letterman wearing teddy bear logo from Kanye West’s third album Graduation (not that these two entities are related…although Kanye may hate white people to a similar extent to which Hitler hated everybody.)

Giancarlo double flat, Hitler adjacent

A Giancarlo double flat and a cinnamon topped cappuccino are presented in decent time, and TCB realises that the reason they have not been given menus yet is because it is scrawled in chalk on the back wall. After realising after quite some time that we have forgotten to order, our mistake is corrected, and out of a list that includes an interesting berry and yogurt combo as well as fresh Roma tomatoes, and we opt for the smashed avocado and the field mushrooms with scrambled eggs.

The wait is notable but not at any stage frustrating as the wait staff attentively fill the water bottle and ask TCB if they need anything.

The field mushrooms are a good colour and have not shrivelled, indicating that they have been sautéed well, but the best part is the plentiful, creamy scrambled eggs, with their velvety texture and hearty flavour.

The smashed avocado is thickly smeared over well toasted sourdough, and the salt and pepper seasoning is kicked up by

Smashed Avo

the addition of plenty of lemon: a good, light, simple option for the breakfaster not looking for a feast.

Unfortunately, as TCB learned on our first foray, the kitchen flat out does not poach eggs, which is a massive disappointment. But they definitely do their brief menu well, and the food presented was of a good quality.

Field shrooms and scrambled eggs

Lack of poaching aside, Ponycat is trading on its cool factor, as its peculiar table coverings and concert advertisements, not to mention the mural which apparently is not a violent cartoon rape scene, but a cat riding a pony,create a hip vibe, and a cool breakfast experience.

Coffee: 8             Menu: 7               Food: 8                 Service: 8            Ambience: 8.5

 Reviewed by AMac

Powerhouse, New Farm

Breakfast: 7.00am – 10.30am

Coffee: Vittoria

Vittoria Flat

The Brisbane property market realised at an embarrassingly late stage in its development the aesthetic and ambient value of a river running though its centre, as brown as it has been known to be. Now, nothing quite says urban cool like a view of the water, and a meal overlooking it. Nestled on a particularly picturesque stretch of the Brisbane River, the former power station turned inner-city cultural hub, the Powerhouse Theatre, includes two absolute necessities of the Western World: open-mic stand up comedy and reasonably priced cocktails. As an avid fan of the brilliant Espresso Martini of Bar Alto, TCB decided to head downstairs to Watt to try out their riverside breakfast offering.

As the City Cats gently glide through the shimmering blue (say what you will about the floods, the river has never looked cleaner) of the New Farm elbow of the Brisbane River, TCB is terrified to see hordes of uncontrolled children terrorising the boardwalk outside Watt. Child friendliness aside, we are also appalled at the ultimatum given to us by the waiter, who seats us and tells us we have to be finished by 10.30am because no reservation was made. Does he know who we are? Does he not realise that 180 people dine exclusively according to our direction?

The menus are opened, and one unfortunate TCBer realises that his copy of the menu includes two identical pages, and is missing the second page. Turns out this makes no difference as there are only five breakfast options, with three of them seeming remarkably similar. With no interesting or inventive options to choose from, TCB go with the Watt Breakfast, the standard big breakfast expected throughout the city; and the poached eggs with bacon, tomato and sour dough.

One Vittoria flat arrives on time, and is pleasing enough without blowing any minds, and the other is forgotten and arrives after the meals. This might not seem like such a big problem, except that the morning dissipates while we wait the thirty five minutes for them to arrive.  When they do, we come to the stark realisation that the two meals are almost identical, with the price seemingly the only difference.

Watt Breakfast

The experience picks up a bit here, as the food is good quality: fresh ingredients prepared by a kitchen that knows what they are doing. But really, when you’re talking poached eggs, bacon, sausages, toasted sour dough and grilled tomato, there is not a whole lot to blow your socks off, and will only draw comment when it is bad, rather than good. For all its faults, at least the eggs were well poached and the tomato not over or under done.

Leaving after over an hour, three wait staff sit around chatting while we wait to pay the bill, and TCB can only conclude that Watt is trading on its fantastic location and vista, and should stick to slinging sunset cocktails, rather than dabbling in the noble service of morning meals. But to take the moral victory, there terrible service resulted in us overstaying our 10.30am curfew. Game: TCB.

Coffee: 7.5          Menu: 4               Food: 7.5             Service: 3.5            Ambience: 9

Reviewed by AMac

Peppermint Tea

New Farm

Breakfast: 7.00am – 2.30pm

Coffee: Di Bella

Word on the street is that both promiscuous homosexuals and perpetually aroused divorcees walk through the New Farm Coles with their banana bunches pointed upwards in the top basket of their trolleys, to indicate that they are keen for a good time. The licentiousness of Coles aside, there is another good reason to take a weekend trip to New Farm Village on Merthyr Road, and that is to visit the bustling breakfast beat of Vue.

Di Bella Flat

Warned that a wait might be on the cards, nepotism does not go astray on this busy Sunday morning, as an old school friend of TCB skips us ahead of the line, and seats our party of two in what is deemed the prime real estate, inside the modern carpet walled and chocolate toned dining room, which itself is referred to as the Vue Lounge.

The menu is surprisingly extensive, and TCB are delivered a Di Bella double flat and a pot of peppermint tea in reasonable time, while the more interesting menu items are pondered. Scanning the list, with the exception of the always intriguing breakfast burrito, it appears that the heart and soul of the menu is poached eggs, with the variant of each item being an interesting accompaniment, such as roast pumpkin, beetroot relish or breakfast bruscetta. Out of many strong contenders, TCB goes with the pan fired chorizo with poached eggs, roasted capsicum, caramelised onion, olives, poached eggs, pomegranate molasses and organic sourdough; and the field mushrooms with parmesan, rocket, olive tapenade, truffle oil, lemon & sourdough. The biggest treat of the day, however, is being asked by the waiter whether the eggs are to be soft poached or hard poached. Such control of the poaching process without having to undergo the painful rigmarole yourself is a fantastic treat.

Field Mushrooms

In most busy dining rooms, narrow tables are lined in close proximity, which can make the breakfast experience seem crowded, but at Vue, the two person tables are plenty wide enough, with room even for food review wankers to put their SLR bags, and the hustle and bustle makes the moderate wait fly by.

The food arrives, and like any breakfast spot wanting to rumble with the big boys, presentation is pleasing and portion size is solid. The mushrooms are filling, but with zesty lime, crunchy bread that remains un-sodden and nice, light parmesan rather than a heavy melted cheese, leave one content rather than stuffed. As always, anything sautéed in truffle oil will be amazing.

Pan Fried Chorizo and Poached Eggs

The chorizo is presented as a layered medley, with the coins of smokey and somewhat spicy chorizo scattered amongst the cacophony of capsicum, onions and olives, sourdough on the bottom and two beautifully round poached eggs, not unlike what TCB imagine God’s testicles to look like, on the top (please keep all arguments about the assertion of God as a white male to a minimum). The soft yolk bursts through the dish and is perfect with the sweetness of the caramelised onions and the molasses.

With many interesting menu options, well executed dishes and cheerful service, the crowds for Vue are not mistaken, just as breakfast goers should not mistake Vue for a miscellaneous supermarket adjacent cafe, but rather, a typical trendy New Farm eatery that would not go astray in any other central chic location.

Coffee: 7.5          Menu: 8.0           Food: 8.0             Service: 8.0         Ambience: 8.5

Review by AMac

Fortitude Valley

Speaks for itself

Breakfast: 7.00am – 11.30am

Coffee: Giancarlo

I know what you’re thinking: “James Street Bistro? If you are eating there it means you have just come out of the Palace Centro theatre after seeing a pretentious French art film, Harvey’s is full, Luxe is full of wankers and you can’t be bothered walking further abroad for your post cinema analysis, so you take the closest seat available. But wait a minute TCB, isn’t it breakfast, meaning that if you’ve just left the cinema it means you’ve gone to the 9.30am screening with the senior citizens?”

First of all, shame on you, loyal reader, for jumping to such immediate conclusions. Second, yes, we are eating at James Street Bistro because Luxe is closed, and no we haven’t seen a movie. But third, and most importantly, take one look at JSB’s breakfast menu and any prejudices based on their dinner and lunch reputation are banished to the crowded aftermath of the post film festival crush, where they belong.

Pineapple, Orange & Mango

On a cold weekday morning, TCB take a seat in the middle of the covered alfresco dining area, the dull, warming glow of the ceiling mounted bar heaters to one side, the gentle radiance of the sun to the other, and look to warm the insides up with a hearty start.

Without too much delay, TCB are granted the increasingly familiar black coffee cup emblazoned with the gospel “Coffee is my life”, signalling that a Giancarlo flat white is upon us, a bean that is sneaking up the list of TCB coffee preferences.

On to the business, the menu has several options which not only catch the eye, but make you wonder whether such ambitious feats can be pulled off outside of the kitchens of the big names of the breakfast world. Hot smoked ocean trout and potato and camembert croquette; Spanish omelette with chorizo and manchego cheese; croquet madame; gingerbread French toast with pineapple compote? Such items you expect on the menus of the aforementioned heavyweights, but here, they belie JSB’s reputation for uninteresting bistro chow, which for this hungry breakfast goer, is definitely a good thing.

TCB opt for the slow braised beef breakfast burrito and the corn fritters. Two foamy, freshly squeezed juices arrive to keep us occupied before the meals arrive. First impressions: the guttural growls emenating from under the shirt will be silenced, because portion size is not found wanting.

Breakfast Burrito

The corn fritters are somewhat soft, and ‘good’, without rivalling the-best-in-town fritters of Harvey’s next door, but the accompanying smashed avocado and salty grilled haloumi round out the dish satisfactorily, and make a solid breakfast.

The breakfast burrito on the other hand, is something special. An eight inch tortilla, adorned with salsa, sour cream, guacamole and a runny poached egg, contains a bounty of slow braised beef that falls apart on the fork, and melts in the mouth. Lest your head explode from palate confusion, mix all the components together for a unique treat, as the runny yolk cuts all the way through the tang, substance and spice. That’s right, you did not miss read, spice! An aspect that is completely forgotten north of midday, both the salsa and the beef have a bit of kick that appeases those who long for spice in every meal, but would not scare off those of weaker constitution.

Corn Fritters

In and out quite quickly on a weekday morning, expect slightly slower service on the weekends. Nonetheless, James Street Bistro not only satisfied TCB’s breakfast appetite, but proved that in the geographical breakfast kingdom of New Farm and the Fortitude Valley, it should not be so quickly dismissed, for its exotic menu and great food are definitely a breakfast treat.

Coffee: 8.0          Menu: 8.5           Food: 8.5             Service: 7.5         Ambience: 7.5

Review by AMac

Breakfast : All day

Coffee: Genovese

Brunswick Street

Cirque has long been a staple for fussy New Farm breakfast hunters and a thorough investigation has been long overdue by the TCB crew.  It was with much anticipation that our group of four ventured into the heart of New Farm and took up our position on the footpath.  We already had a man on the ground that had secured a spot on the waiting list.  Waiting has always been an integral part of the Cirque experience and the group of 15 hungry patrons patiently waiting outside in chilly 10°C conditions doesn’t come as a surprise.  It’s a scene reminiscent of a trendy nightclub – except the ‘bouncer’ here has a lot more to offer the ravenous hoards. That said, with a wait for a table extending to 20mins on this reasonably busy Saturday morning, a nice touch would have been a round of coffees to fend off the cold but on this day the offer went begging.

Genovese Flat

A two-level establishment with seating for around 40 patrons, TCB was whisked past the kitchen and upstairs to our waiting table.  A flurry of menu perusal and water distribution was a perfect distraction to the short wait for some truly satisfying Genovese coffees.  Cappuccinos, Flats and Latte’s were all well above par and left a good taste as the difficult menu decisions were vigourously debated.  There were two specials on the regularly altered board the morning we dined that stood out.  Poached eggs on soft mozzarella polenta with crispy prosciutto, truffle oil and sourdough toast ($15) proved too tempting a combination and made the shortlist along with the Omelette special.  Having spotted one of these aesthetically pleasing yet frisbee-sized concoctions being delivered on the way in, TCB was impressed to discover it’s contents included braised cannellini beans with chorizo and mozzarella.

"It was all a dream..." Juicy fresh squeased Juice

The remainder of the menu contains both sweet and savoury breakfast favourites and we opt for the obligatory salmon eggs benny with a side of avocado, the toasted pide with avocado, basil, sea salt and fresh tomato with a side of poached eggs, and the abstract play on your typical breakfast fish, salmon, that is rainbow trout and poached eggs.  After another wait in exceeding 30mins the food is presented along with some tasty juices (watermelon, apple and pear/watermelon, apple and mint $6each) from their extensive range of made to order juices and smoothies.

Viscocity at its finest

The food is of a high standard and fortunately well worth the wait.  The pricing (mains around $15) represents excellent value and probably contributes to the brisk trade and loyal following.  The first impression overall is the perfectly poached eggs across each dish on the table.  Like miniature sculptures, each one is perfectly formed with a similar level of yolk viscosity that makes you wonder if it was possible replicate this feat at home.  The presentation is of an equally high standard, important too when everyone is an armchair expert on ‘plating up’ these days.

Omelette

The omelette is so fluffy we are surprised it wasn’t levitating.  The beans and chorizo were scattered throughout and the mozzarella provided a nice finish to the texture.

The salmon eggs benedict was devoured with enthusiasm and uniquely constructed with one sizeable piece of ciabatta providing a base for the salmon slices, 2 eggs and baby rocket with a generous drizzle of tasty homemade hollandaise doing its thing with

aplomb.

Rainbow Trout

The rainbow trout, accompanied with two of the aforementioned perfect poached eggs, was not only light and lemon zesty, but pleasantly palate confusing at this hour of the morning. However, served as a delicate portion, it may not gratify the hunger of those more ravenous breakfast goers.

Special Specials

Both the eggs special with polenta and the pide are spot on with the slices of crispy prosciutto topping the list of tasty garnishes on the day.

Overall the experience was a resounding success, and the service polite and attentive.   The food is extremely well executed and prepared with obvious care and attention to detail. Cirque is to breakfast what Ortiga is to dinner: a fine dining option that requires a commitment to the meal, and may not be for everyone, all the time (may we suggest those with a pounding headache and aching stomach seek a quicker, greasier option). It has stamped its mark as a stalwart on the breakfast scene and proves it self to be not just a hot spot, but a venue deserving of the praise in a competitive market.  Just make sure you keep a couple of hours free to savour the experience.

Coffee: 8.5        Menu: 9.5              Food: 9.5           Service: 7          Ambience: 8

Reviewed by the TCB Crew

Salmon Benny

Notourious B.I.G

Moray Street, New Farm

Breakfast: All Day

Coffee: Di Bella

Freshly squeezed Apple & Watermelon juice

In an attempt to hush the haters who say TCB lacks cred, we took it to the familiar streets of New Farm to take care of an establishment regarded as a must-include for any review crew looking to differentiate themselves from your standard pretentious wanker: The Little Larder.

The corner shop cafe sits slightly out of the main stream cafe junket of New Farm and the Valley, but its reputation draws droves of patrons into its cozy dining room and alfresco set. TCB’s previous attempt to dine was foiled by the huge crowds and early closing time brought on by a public holiday. So naturally, wanting what we couldn’t have, expectations were high heading into out early Sunday Morning breakfast a week later.

Skinny Flat White: Di Bella is a TCB Bean Favourite

Accommodated with a table immediately, the cute-as-a-button waitress is quick to dote on our table, providing us menus and taking our coffee order immediately. Inside and out, Larder is a hive of activity, emphasised by the palpable buzz of the kitchen, which is in full view of diners.

The all day breakfast menu has some very enticing options, such as the Streak and Eggs and the pesto scrambled eggs, but TCB go with the eggs Benedict with grilled ham and spinach, the Crispy Polenta with poached eggs, avocado, spinach and dill mayo, and the Fry up, which includes sautéed bacon, sausages, mushroom, onion, tomato and spinach on Turkish toast. Along with the food, there is also a great juice list, which forces our hand to try a watermelon, mint and passion fruit juice.

Crispy Polenta: peasant food no more

The coffees come in good time, and as soon as Di Bella is spied printed on the cup, TCB know they are in for a strong and hearty bean, which, once tasted, has been done justice by the barista.

As the crowd builds and a spare table cannot be found, our meals arrive and do not disappoint. The crispy polenta, once considered peasant food, is a textural treat as its sturdy crunch gives a good contrast to the soft, perfectly poached eggs. The dish as a whole is set off by the dill mayo, which is a very pleasant, herbed change of pace from the usual hollandaise accompaniment.

The Fry Up

The fry-up, for what it loses in presentation, it gains in taste, as each bite combines crispy sautéed bacon, onion and mushrooms with the fresh combination of tomato, spinach and shallots. The gluten free sausage completes the plate, which is served atop two pieces of toasted Turkish bread.

The freshly squeezed juice is fantastic, with the crisp mint leaves giving a bite to the acid of the pineapple and the slush of the watermelon.

The Little Larder is consistent across the board, ticking all the TCB boxes. The crowds of eaters packing the cafe in no way detriment the speed of the service, and if you are lucky enough to get a table, you are treated to friendly and frequent attendance from your waitress/waiter.

Nursing a business card with the number to make a reservation, TCB left the Little Larder ready to join the hordes of its regular in spreading its excellent reputation.

Eggs Benedict

Coffee: 8             Menu: 8               Food: 8.5             Service: 8.5         Ambience: 8

Review by AMac

Winn Street, Fortitude Valley

Long Mac

 

Breakfast: All Day

Coffee: Genovese

It’s a Saturday morning and a lone TCB member stalks the Fortitude Valley in a one man wolf pack in search of a boutique eatery at which to feast.

Through the arbitrary wonderings, the lone TCB wolf stumbles upon the very hip and trendy Flamingo Cafe, a Melbourne-style laneway cafe tucked behind the Zoo.

Approaching Flamingo, eaters get a view of the tiny kitchen skirting behind the register, which itself is elevated above the astro-turfed alfresco dining area, lined with brightly coloured plastic furniture. There is a small, dark room next door, which has small black tables littered with kitschy items instead of table numbers. I am seated at “Sydney”, as I am made aware because of the salt and pepper shakers of the same name. The table next to me is “Donut”, and the one across from me is “King”. Once seated, I notice under foot a cattle hide rug.

Savoury Mince

Both the clientele and the wait staff are of a similar caste, as there are clear-lensed wayfarers and rolled up pant cuffs spattered throughout the cafe.  Even armed with skinny jeans, tortoise shell Tom Ford’s and a Canon SLR, I still feel like I am nowhere near hipster enough to be dining here. I am put at ease when the table of young women next to me begin talking about Splendour in the Grass, and the possibility of a Sarah Blasco sideshow…maybe the clientele aren’t that hip after all. The waiter, who is very friendly in addition to being very ‘hip’, delivers the menu, takes a seat next to me, and informs me of the specials of the day.

While the breakfast menu is limited, the specials are striking, and include savoury mince, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a meatball sub (which is a standard lunch option served through the week, but I cannot address the quality as that would take care of lunch, a strict no no), not to mention the very creative and varied fresh juice menu.

I opt for the savoury mince, and before I have time to fully unfold a copy of the Australian, the steaming bowl, accompanied with thick toast and a love heart butter shape, is served. I realise that it is probably just scooped straight out of a big pot, but to get food served within 5 minutes is a very special treat. The mince is very good and is filled with tomato, peas and onions.

Mrs Palmer and her five daughters

Next to arrive is a stock standard long mac. The last item to arrive is a “Mrs Palmer and her five daughters”, which isn’t a creative pseudonym for masturbation, rather a freshly made juice/smoothie consisting of bananas, coconut milk and honey.

Just like the analogous wolf pack, TCB crew members are gorge eaters, and a well timed breakfast can supplement all other meals of the day. In fifteen minutes, the lone TCB wolf is suitably fed, juiced and coffeed for $20 and has been treated to friendly service in an agreeable surrounding.

Next time however, I will have to remember to button my shirt all the way to the neck.

Coffee: 7.5          Menu: 6               Food: 7.5             Service: 8            Ambience: 9

Reviewed by AMac

Long Mac - Campos Kenyan Bean of the Month

11 Wandoo Street, Fortitude Valley

Coffee: Campos
Breakfast: All Day

“Maybe if I lie perfectly still and don’t move a single inch, I won’t be immersed in all engulfing pain…”

We have all, on a Saturday or Sunday morning, adopted this reasoning, and just as sure, we’ve all slowly cracked one eye lid to realise that nothing can be done to prevent the inevitable…we’re in hangover country.

Just as Hunter S Thompson was fearful of stopping in bat country, TCB realises that only one thing can be done, outside of the abuse of prescription medicine, to alleviate the throbbing head, queasy stomach and aching joints, and that is to do what we do best: take care of breakfast, regardless of whether it stretches into the afternoon.

Campos is regarded as one of Australia’s finest bean roasteries, and their Brisbane flagship is Campos Cafe, nestled adjacent to the James Street Markets in the Fortitude Valley. Walking down a narrow alley lined with astro turf, the scent of roasted beans invading the nostrils, TCB must join the end of quite a lengthy queue to await a table, as it is mid morning on a Saturday, and the place is bursting at the seams. After a few couples, lacking the requisite commitment to breakfast held by TCB, give up the line, TCB’s party of five is seated within about ten minutes, but are warned that kitchen service is inundated and will take about forty minutes…at least they’re up front.

Campos Fry Up

The next problem is a very high quality problem to have: customers are given too many highlights to pick from the menu. TCB would have loved to give its readers a detailed review of the grilled salmon fillet, or the rarely found outside the East Coast of the USA “Philly Cheese Steak”, but unfortunately, given the severity of the hangover, there is but one option to surely cure the incurable, the Campos Fry Up. Some may baulk at the $21.00 price tag, but this morning, it does not even come into question.

The drinks are brought out in good time. Any coffee lover can tell you of the quality of Campos beans, but just like drinking trickling glacial waters from a mountain spring beats guzzling Mount Franklin from the bottle, it seems like a special treat to taste a long and strong macchiato barristered immediately adjacent to the warehouse from which the bean was produced (ignoring the exponential increase in decadence had it been tasted adjacent to the Kenyan field from which it was plucked). As well as coffees, several smoothies are brought out, including banana and mango. Both are of a good size, and are not too sickly sweet with honey.

After about half an hour, the meals arrive, and any concerns that we may have been better suited at a quicker establishment were banished. The fry up is gargantuan, but not in a disgusting novelty way, but more like “you wanted it, you got it”. Two perfectly poached eggs (you know the score, not solid, but not too runny) rest on toasted sourdough, while a tub of butter melts next to a roasted tomato stuffed with mushrooms which have obviously been sautéed in a rich olive oil; crispy bacon; a crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside potato cake, lightly dusted both inside and out with thyme and basil; a bulbous pork sausage; and finished with a slice of haloumi for good measure. While the ingredients are the usual ‘big breakfast’ staples, with the exception of the diverse treat of the haloumi, they are prepared beautifully, sans the grease and fat found at cheaper eateries.

Mushroom Stuffed Tomato: The Fry Up was big enough to justify multiple camera angles

I have had more elaborate meals, I have had more exotic meals, and I have had bigger flavour sensations, but NEVER has a breakfast hit the spot harder than the Campos Fry Up. TCB was in need, and Campos was in no way found wanting.

Eggs Benedict

Someone else ordered Eggs Benedict, but is that not comparable to Alvin and the Chipmunks following The Beatles?

Coffee: 9 Menu: 8.5 Food: 8.5 Service: 7 Ambience: 8

Reviewed by AMac

212 Given Terrace, Paddington

Coffee: Merlo

Open daily from 7 am

Paddington’s Anouk caused a bit of a divide among TCB when we decided to brave peak hour traffic on a busy Friday morning and take care of the breakfast situation. The TCB team agree that the coffee was nothing special (although, to be fair to our barista, he probably did the best he could with a mediocre Merlo blend), and the service too slow

When the food finally did arrive, however, the opinions varied greatly. I chose the flat field mushrooms sautéed with garlic, pine nuts and butter-parsley pesto on toasted ciabatta, served with a side of maple-cured bacon. Admittedly, this was not the most adventurous option, but it was well-done. Predictably, garlic punctuated every mouthful, but it was never so overwhelming that I missed the well-put-together medley of flavours provided by the pesto and toasted pine nuts. The maple cured bacon (which does not come as standard with this dish) added a well-needed counterbalance to the earthy flavours of the mushrooms, while the ciabatta was disappointingly under-toasted. In the end I was left satiated, but not truly satisfied – not at the price I paid, anyway. GZA, on the other hand, was decidedly unimpressed:

“In my opinion, in order for a breakfast experience to stand out, not only do you need good food, but also liquids, which are just as important. In that regard, Anouk stands out for providing a breakfast beverage selection which rivals some wine lists for depth and breadth of choice. Creativity is encouraged. When it came to ordering my meal, I think I was still in awe from the drink menu, as I opted for the intriguing selection of breakfast nasi goreng. I took a punt on a meal that doesn’t belong on the breakfast table (not in Paddington anyway). Presentation was excellent, but the taste left much to be desired. A very heavy, almost risotto-like consistency with vegetables, nuts and a satay finish would have been better placed if we were taking care of lunch or dinner.”

Mitch went for the Israeli eggs with a side of garlic sausages:

“This was a simple meal served in a metal dish. The meal consisted of baby spinach, a tomato and red pepper sauce with two eggs – on the side were two sausages that I ordered separately. The metal dish seemed to act as a secondary cooking implement for the entire meal. On the base was a layer of spinach which prevented the next layer (the tomato and red pepper sauce) from sticking to the metal. Covering the top were the eggs that formed a seal around the top of the metal dish. While the baby spinach did nothing for the meal, the sauce was simple, thick and mouth-watering thanks to the correct dose of red peppers. In order to access the sauce I had to cut through the eggs; both had hard cooked yolks. This firmness allowed the sauce to be applied with ease: a convenient thought. The garlic sausages were skinless, and possibly home made. In any case, they were delicious.”

Israeli eggs with a side of garlic sausages.

I’m not prepared to criticise Anouk’s culinary offerings to the extent some TCBers might like – in my view, the menu is worth a try if you don’t mind waiting a while, and avoid the nasi goreng – but there’s not much to rave about either. Nevertheless, Anouk has earned itself a reputation as one of Brisbane’s breakfast hotspots. To be sure, it has a lively, casual atmosphere and a visually pleasing fit out, but the unremarkable food and disappointing service leaves me wondering why this place has such a following among restaurant-goers. Judging by the crowd of mostly good-looking young women who seemed to talk and drink coffee a lot without eating much of their food, I’d hazard a guess that many keep turning up to Anouk simply to be seen or to enjoy the chatter of the beautiful people in comfortable yet somewhat trendy surrounds. As a true breakfast-lover, I probably won’t be going back unless they offer more reasonable prices or substantially better food and service, or I get a Paddington-chic girlfriend.

Neither of those seems likely to happen any time soon.

Reviewed by Myles.

2/26 Commercial Road, Newstead

Coffee: Veneziano

Open weekdays from 6 am; weekends from 7 am

After wild accusations of ‘wasting the morning away’ were thrown around, TCB decided to follow the trail of an elaborate myth one could only assume to be lost to the vagaries of time: the breakfast degustation.

The entrance to Symposium is quite unassuming. As it is nestled snugly at the entrance to a mixed use, multi level office/apartment building, you would be forgiven for branding it as an express takeaway café. However, once TCB were tucked into a wall side booth next to a group of morning joggers, with a view of the open plan kitchen and behemoth espresso machine, any misgivings were hushed, and were completely vanquished when the menu was presented.

Honey nut granola with strawberry and mango purée and organic yoghurt.

While the menu contained steadfast favourites such as the avocado BLT, eyes were drawn immediately to striking numbers such as the Belgian Waffles with fresh berries, truffled eggs benedict, and haloumi scrambled eggs on wood fire turkish.

However, TCB were there for only one thing: the degustation (which is actually four things).

Our four courses began with a honey nut granola served with strawberry and mango purée and organic yoghurt: fresh and light, it was perfect as a starter, but could not be expected to carry a meal on its own.

Next was warm smoked salmon and cottage cheese, served atop truffled scrambled eggs, poised on a potato hash: the salmon/cheese ratio was perfect as the salmon wash not drowned out; the eggs were roughly scrambled and lightly truffled, adding to the texture and flavour of the dish, rather than dominating it; and the hash was firm and not too salty.

Warm smoked salmon with cottage cheese, truffled scrambled eggs and potato hash.

Petite fry up.

The ‘main course’ was a petite fry up. Playing up to the eccentricities of TCB, it included two quail eggs, chipolata pork sausage, mini rash bacon and truffle sautéed mushrooms. Overall, a delicious and delicate play on the ingredients of your standard ‘big breakfast’.

To finish, dessert was served in the form of poached strawberries on brioche in a bourbon reduction: a slight disappointment given the quality of the meals preceding it, one can’t help but think the dish would have been improved with a simple, light maple syrup rather than the pretentious yet bland bourbon reduction.

Poached strawberries on brioche.

At $45.00 a head (including “bottomless” espresso), it takes a certain mood to dedicate one and half hours to breakfast dining, but the experience did not leave us disappointed. Fresh ingredients, attention to presentation, and a great mix of flavours replace the potential ostentation with tasty decadence.

We came for the degustation… we stayed for the bottomless espresso.

Reviewed by GZA, AMac & Myles

38 Vernon Terrace, Tenerrife

Coffee: Di Bella

Open daily from 9 am

In an attempt to escape the mould of the “hung-over breakfast goer”, TCB decided to prepare for an early morning jog on the way to breakfast, to fit into the “post exercise breakfaster”. The only problem was that TCB was collectively hung-over, and after donning running apparel, the decision was made to forego the run and go straight to breakfast. In a way, we had a foot in both camps.

The location of The London Club is perfect, set in the street level of the heritage refurbished London Woolstore Apartments, in the middle of the trendy Tenerrife café hub. This would explain the abundance of loose singlets, faux dog tags and hipster frullets. What was once a loading platform for bails of wool to be loaded onto transport trains, now acts as an alfresco dining area elevated from the street – the sweaty, overalled labourers now replaced with mothers’ groups and flamboyant homosexuals (at least on this particular morning). The interior décor of the Club is somewhat eclectic, with a feature wall at the back covered in an Agincourt arrow head pattern, leading to a corner fitted out with an antiquated wooden bookshelf containing titles such as Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, and James Joyce’s Ulysses. A fully fitted bar lines the opposite wall, with the other corner taken up with a large stainless steal serving bench, offering diners a view into the kitchen.

The pomp and frills end here, however, as we sip tepid tap water waiting for our coffee orders to be taken. The menu has some interesting options including The London Pot, a baked pot of tomato salsa, chorizo sausage and fried eggs; and the Wagyu beef savoury mince.

The London Pot.

Whilst they are definitely awarded style points for imagination and variety, the execution leaves a little to be desired. The Pot was good, without being anything to write home about, as the tomato salsa, somewhat bland in itself, took over the rest of the dish, with the occasional interruption from the smoke of the chorizo here, and the strength of the egg there. Perhaps a touch of chilli may have set off the chorizo more and given the dish a bit more life.

As for the mince, I’m told it was a fairly bland affair; though filling, each mouthful seemed more pedestrian than the last while the sloppy texture of mince and fairly watery tomato sauce, which was tolerable at the start, became a chore to get through as the pangs of hunger evaporated (although, being mince, what else could one expect?).

Wagyu beef savoury mince with poached eggs.

With slow, not particularly friendly service, and “okay” food, The London Club is obviously trading on their location and trend factor, and charging accordingly; standard breakfast staples and some of their own roughly accomplished creations will set you back  $16- $19.

Reviewed by AMac.

Coffee by Vivo.

1/720 Brunswick Street, New Farm

Coffee: Vivo

Open daily from 7 am

In light of it being Valentines Day weekend, the TCB WAGS accompanied the breakfast outing into the familiar Fortitude Valley area.

The Alibi Room is a jack of all trades establishment straddling the boarder between the Fortitude Valley and New Farm, acting as a pub, bar and tacoria through the week, and a purveyor of all day breakfast on the weekends, obviously catering to the patrons it has intoxicated the night before.

After walking through a door reading “Do You Need One?”, the interior is a particularly nauseating shade of mustard, but is splattered with kitsch and quirk, including 1980’s arcade game tables, decorated skateboard decks, racks of free postcards, and a mural of a rotund, naked humanoid riding a giant half chicken half Mexican Day of the Dead scull. The open, breezy front room with bar stool seating and views of the busy main road give way to a slightly darker back room with tables and a booth.

The first thing that strikes about the menu is the prices: the most expensive option is $14.00, with most fitting between the $9.00 and $12.00 range. For those blessed with four stomachs for the proper break down of flora, there are vegetarian and vegan breakfast items, and for normal, carnivorous human beings, there is the usual assortment of classics.

Disaster then strikes: the breakfast chef has not yet prepared a batch of the Breakfast Bubble & Squeak, which according to the menu was savoury beef mince with poached eggs. After going into a slight panic, the Eggs and Breakfast Ratatouille is landed on as the back up option, while TCB WAG opts for the always safe Eggs Benedict.

Eggs and breakfast ratatouille.

After waiting quite a while for coffee to arrive, the food is delivered relatively quickly. The Ratatouille is served with thick, buttereddoorstop toast, perfect to mop up the sloppy, creamy, salsa like consistency of the dish, which includes tomatoes, zucchini, pumpkin and onions, with two perfectly poached eggs: not an explosion of runny, watery yolk, and not a crumbly, fossilised chunk.

But this does not even come close to quelling the order envy at the sight of the Eggs Benedict resting on the other side of the table: poached eggs sitting on fat, hearty, grown man shaves of leg ham with crisp spinach leaves served on Turkish bread, the hollandaise sauce provided in a separate saucer, to be dressed to the individual taste of the devourer.

Eggs benedict.

The meals are well portioned and tasty, without being gastronomic explosions of pleasure, but with friendly and fast service with a smile, good coffee, and most notably, cheap prices, the Alibi Room is solid weekend breakfast option, especially for those who may still be residing in a world of pain, resulting from the previous night.

Try the Bubble & Squeak and let TCB know, as we are sure to die wondering.

Reviewed by AMac

Emporium, 1000 Ann Street, Fortitude Valley

Coffee: Vittoria

Breakfast: til 11.00am

It’s obvious that it’s early on a Sunday morning as there are parks available as far as the eye can see within Emporium, the always bustling, modern precinct on the northern edge of Fortitude Valley. With the many cafes and restaurants that offer breakfast in the complex, TCB has a particular target in mind, the new Italian cuisine powerhouse, Tartufo.

When one walks in, they are reminded of the pretentious, French wankery that was Bella Epoch, the previous restaurant tenant, as the table and bar lay out are the same, with the bar lining one wall, and an expansive, open dining room with tables and booths. But that is where the similarities stop, as the fiddly, overpriced French staples have been replaced with their hearty Italian counterparts, but we digress away from what’s pertinent in this instance: breakfast.

In the gaping, open dining room, TCB are the only ones seated, as most presumably saunter lazily in a bit later in the morning. This gives us time to peruse the menu, which ostensibly is quite limited and short.

Half a Macchiato

However, further inspection reveals some quite unusual numbers, such as a breakfast bruschetta with scrambled eggs, and salmon with asparagus on sourdough.

The coffee is served rather quickly, in a nondescript, plain cup, but when you sip past the creamy micro foam, it is revealed to be a well brewed Vittoria number.

Scrambled Eggs

The meals aren’t far behind. The breakfast bruschetta is not at all what springs to mind when bruschetta is mentioned: rather than a mess of diced onions and tomatoes on bread, it is two pieced of sourdough adorned with prosciutto, two fat dollops of melted mozzarella, and creamy scrambled eggs. The flavours blend beautifully as the cured meat provides a saltiness to balance out the cheese and the eggs.

The other dishes aesthetically tickle the pallet, with the salmon plentiful, and the mixed breakfast including a whole, grilled vine ripened tomato as its centrepiece.

Tartufo is at the upper middle end of the breakfast pricing schedule, at around $15.00 to $19.00, but the value for money comes with the quality of the ingredients you would expect from a high end restaurant, and the careful attention to presentation. The service is efficient and friendly, without being a notable feature of the breakfast experience.

A long way from the stale croissants and bitter coffee of its French predecessor, Tartufo provides an excellent breakfast opportunity for patrons, as a warm up for their chefs’ lunch and dinner preparations.

Reviewed by AMac.

The Gunshop

53 Mollison Street, West End

While some would consider 8 an unusual hour to grace heroin-junkie-chic West End, a pre work breakfast to kick start hump day seems like as good a reason as any for TCB to conduct their début visit to the famed Gunshop Cafe, at a time where their infamous crowds are not packing the cafe to bursting point. Not to be confused with the purveyor of munitions and firearms in East Brisbane, the Gunshop Cafe’s reputation precedes it as one of the finest breakfast jaunts in Brisbane.

The coffee is okay, but nothing more.

 

On first impression, the staff win over TCB, as we, the sole patrons at this time of the morning, are compromised with a table, long macchiato and a skinny flat white before the restaurant even opens. The only issue so far is that the coffee menu proudly boasts Merlo beans, and while the coffees are well brewed, my own preconceived prejudices against the brand are upheld; the coffee is okay, but nothing more.

The decor is a rustic throw back to the age and arty nature of the West End precinct, with red brick walls lined with cheap impressionist art pieces for sale to customers. However, while TCB appreciate the large, industrial fan in the corner, providing more than adequate cooling, we were slightly off put by the cafe “mascots”: three large busts of a red haired, long necked, crooked nosed, bug eyed, Gillard-esque character.

The menu is set out in three sections: Light Meals such as fig toast and fruit salad; Gunshop Classics including double smoked bacon and eggs, Canadian brioche French toast and Toulouse sausages; and Gunshop New, a list of creations the likes of croquet monsieur, omelette Arnold bennet and chicken liver pate.

Both members of TCB sampled from the new menu. The smoked Tasmanian salmon and creamed eggs on cheddar and chive cornbread is much more than just your simple salmon scramble. While the eggs are creamy and textured, they are no different to the high quality scrambles you would expect at other Brisbane breakfast eateries. However, the treat is in the salmon and the corn bread: the salmon fresh, strong and forthright, obviously not ripped out of a packet, but possibly (but probably not) wrangled from a pristine Tasmanian stream the day before; while the corn bread is far from a dry, crumbly mess, but is rich with the flavours of garlic chives and a hearty cheddar.

Smoked Salmon

Being an advocate for dried blood, TCB is immediately drawn to the last item on the menu: spiced black pudding served alongside a poached duck egg poised on top of an English muffin and apple prune compote to complete the English Classic. The poached duck egg is cooked to perfection and is delicious and fluffy, delicately highlighting a course that can be recommended to anyone who wants to try something just a little bit different.

In under half an hour, TCB are seated, stuffed full of well prepared, high quality ingredients and fixed up with a mid range bill, pricing towards the upper middle end of breakfast eateries.

Black Pudding

 

Culinarilly satisfied, TCB are ready for work.

Reviewed by GZA and AMac

4/31 James Street, Fortitude Valley

Chai Tea Pot

Coffee: Merlo

Breakfast: til 11.30am

After starting the morning later than usual, driving around what seemed like the entire Valley looking for a park, then battling the overwhelming sense of paranoia of having my car towed from the Snap Printing allocated staff car park, I had built up quite a hunger. Accordingly, the James Street stalwart Harvey’s, recently transformed from a middling white table cloth dining room into a chic cafe bistro, is set to take care of TCB.

Ignoring the difficulties of parking and the hoard of screaming children running around outside, Harvey’s has succeeded in creating an effective, minimalist décor, with an indoor/outdoor dining room with a plain concrete floor, glass walls offering a view of the bustle of James Street, and a floor to ceiling black chalk board listing the daily food and wine specials.

The menu not only offers interesting items, but rather, offers exclusively inventive variations on breakfast staples, with an isolated section on the menu headed “Eggs”, for those who don’t wish to live on the wild side of breakfast.

Skinny Flat White

It’s a decidedly tough choice to make the call between the likes of Ricotta buttermilk pikelets with caramelized banana and honeycomb; wild mushrooms and lentils with grilled haloumi; and spiced mince tortilla with poached eggs and avocado. In a list of strong contenders however, TCB opted with the potato and fetta rosti with creamed sweat corn and poached egg, and the confit potato, ricotta and spinach omelette with tomato chutney and chilli flakes: both served with the optional Serrano ham.

Early worries abound as ten minutes roll by without the delivery of the coffees, but at the eleventh minute, a stock standard Merlo flat white and a pot of fairly weak, milky chai are delivered. Any problems with the service are then completely put to rest, as the twelfth minute signals the delivery of the food: a time frame that any kitchen could be proud of.

The omelette comes out in a pizza like form, crowned with a piece of crusty sourdough and butter, and whole spinach leaves sprinkled over the top layer of delicately thin Serrano ham. The tomato chutney is sweet, but not improperly sickly, cutting beautifully across the fat chunks of ricotta and the lightly salted potato. As an avid lover of spice, the chilli was not overly present, but for normal human beings not attune to the pantomime of spicy vindaloo, it would be perfect.

Omelette

The potato rosti is golden crunchy on the outside, and soft on the inside. The creamed corn is a tasty, irregular breakfast treat with a buttery consistency, and with a perfectly poached egg on top, the whole dish works wonderfully.

With a bustling atmosphere, stylish and chic fit out, speedy kitchen service and an interesting, alternative breakfast menu that is clinically executed, the only thing keeping Harvey’s from the top of the breakfast food chain is the coffee.

Potato Rosti

After thirty gastronomically pleasurable minutes, TCB is back in the car…which fortunately remained untowed.

Reviewed by AMac.

185 George Street, Brisbane City

Open daily from 7 am

The presentation wasn't particularly appetising...

I was already late for work when I made the snap decision to duck into The Villager for what I hoped would be a quick bite. I opted for a simple dish in an effort to hasten the process: poached eggs and bacon on toast. Surely that couldn’t take more than 10 minutes to dish up?

When the meal was presented 25 minutes later, I realised my error. The eggs oozing over the plate were poached at a meandering 62 degrees, leaving me precious little time to devour my daily dose of saturated fat and cholesterol. Over the course of the hurried meal, I couldn’t help but notice how much more difficult it was to fork such softly poached eggs. The texture wasn’t to my taste either. I think I could have done a lot better for $15.

On the plus side, the coffee was excellent.

Reviewed by Myles